This Advice is Freely Given . . .

If I were to offer any advice,

  it would be:

Eat whatever you want;

   Whatever tastes good to you;

      As much as you want;

           As often as you want.

Don’t exercise.

  Not on purpose.

      If you accidentally get some

          It probably won’t hurt you.

Have no expectations.

  Just breathe

    And see what this moment brings.

      Again.

If I change my mind, I’ll let you know.

--come what may, came. Part III

I decide to try Alison’s “woman” doctor for my well check.  She wasn’t taking new patients but because Alison referred me, they said I could see her.  I waited three months for an appointment.  She was thorough; I’ll say that for her.  I’m not used to this.  You have to tell Dr. ____ at the _____ Clinic what is wrong with you and what you want him to prescribe.  (That’s why Amy likes him.)

She made a big deal out of everything.

“You need to lose 25 pounds.  Exercise. . .”

“Don’t even mention exercise.  Let's just say 'I do'.”

“Eye exam.”

“Ron is free.  I’ll see him.”

“You need to see a dermatologist for spots on your face.”

“Can’t you burn them?”

“Not these.  They’re too deep.”

“High blood pressure.  Better get you on some medication.”

“Cholesterol 314.  Low on Vitamin D."  

Bone Scan.  “You have osteoporosis.  Come right in to discuss.”

Then she got the thyroid ultra sound results.

Imaging for JEANETTE E HUGH

Top of Form

Location   Bountiful Clinic

Date       01/10/2012

Examination: Thyroid ultrasound
Clinical History: Hashimoto's

Findings: The right thyroid lobe measures approximately 4.3 x 2.5
x 2.6 cm. The thyroid tissue is markedly heterogeneous. The
isthmus is enlarged. A nodule within the isthmus measures 1.4 x
1.1 x 1.8 cm. No discrete nodule is identified within the right
thyroid lobe.
The left thyroid lobe measures at least 5.0 x 3.0 x 3.0 cm.
Occupying much of the left thyroid lobe is a slightly
heterogeneous solid nodule measuring 2.2 x 2.7 x 2.5 cm. Within
this nodule there is a bulky focus of shadowing calcification.
Impression:
1. Heterogeneous thyroid gland with a dominant nodule within the
left thyroid lobe containing a bulky focus of calcification.
Signed By: Smythe, Jason J., MD

 Bottom of Form

In plain English, I have two nodules.  One in the center and one big one practically filling the left side. 

She schedules me to see the surgeon the first day he is in the clinic, which is next Tuesday.  They also need to check the lymph glands.

Suddenly we would just wait and watch the spots on my face.  No mention of the eye test.  Osteoporosis, spine and hip: "Maybe the Vitamin D will help.  Do you want to just watch it for a year?”

I was prepared for battle.  I thought she would insist I take all these drugs.  Well, she did talk me into going back on lipitor and a very low dosage for high blood pressure plus the prescription Vitamin D. All the other problems she had been worrying me about were brushed aside.

It’s a psychological battle.  The anxiety and worry are almost unbearable.  Everything hurts; I can’t swallow; my shoulders and neck ache; my throat is dry; I cough and sneeze and constantly blow my nose; am I getting Staph infection?  Oh my hurting knees; I’m light-headed; dizzy; tired; weak; this pounding in my ear is driving me crazy; no one cares; I’ve had more than my share; who will care for Ed?

Did I do damage massaging on the roller?  doing incessant chin locks to stimulate my thyroid?  gravity inversion table?  vibrator?

Bad news is debilitating to mental health and emotional well-being.

Slow down.  Take a deep breath.  How do you really feel?  Is it any different than before you found out?  Didn’t you feel strong then, like you could and would conquer physical afflictions?

Physically I probably don’t feel any different than I did before I found out about those nodules in my thyroid gland but mentally and emotionally I’m devastated.

OK – on my honor I promise to do my best to be well until proven sick.

A Zen Poem of Compassion Part II

THE BETRAYAL

The other day, I wrote a blog on feeling betrayed by my body when I exercise and eat healthily and still fail most of the lab tests.

 Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention to arrive in a beautifully and artfully well-preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out and loudly proclaiming. . .”WOW!  What a Ride!”  Author unknown

I don’t know if Martin Luther King said this or if he said something before it, like “I still believe that standing up for truth is the greatest thing in the world.”  Whoever said it, I like it:

"This is the end of life: 

The end of life is not to be happy;

the end of life is not to achieve pleasure and avoid pain;

the end of life is to live in a sacred way,

come what may.”

 I must forgive my body for what I thought was a betrayal. 

I see more clearly today,

come what may.


P.S.  I still want to subscribe to that Magazine for Failure.

A Zen Poem of Compassion

I posted this on my Mother’s Day blog. 

I’m posting it again in honor of my dismal readings on my blood and lab tests this week. A Magazine for Failure seems to apply to every area of our lives at one time or another.  As pure as we try to eat, as much as I faithfully exercise and meditate; as much equipment as we have, too many things are way out of kilter.  Seventy-five years of wear and tear.  What do I expect?  Who knows how I would feel if I hadn’t tried.

     Perfect Bound

            By Richard Wehrman

When I Read Shambhala Sun

or Tricycle, I wonder

who these people are.

They admit to an occasional

random thought,

but it’s clear they’re all becoming enlightened

or at least able to dwell constantly

in clear and empty space.

Or those Yoga Journal people –

Where everyone is thin, composed

and bends in all directions.

Or Fortune

where everyone’s a millionaire

a captain of success.

So where, I ask, is the

magazine for Failure?

For 30 years of falling and

recalling, “Be Here Now”?

For the continual recovering

from the storming –

from the endless repairing of the ship

and broken sails?

For the sick and heavy body

barely bending?

For the immense gratitude

in meeting once again

next months payroll,

next months rent.

Glory, Glory, Hallelujah

Witnessing the Magnificence of Christmas 2011

Bryce just before Christmas

Jan all the way from Raytown, Missouri

Jan comes half-way across the country with the three kids and is here over two weeks, taking three days to drive and sight-see all the way home.  Brent stays close to home where it is safe.  The night before Christmas eve, while riding his bike, a truck crashed into him from the rear throwing him off his bike.  Fortunately he landed on the grass rather than the asphalt.  Emergency for him.  While riding another bike a week later, he heard shots whiz by twice in the same night - once right by his front door.  He leaped down to the driveway  where the mound would protect him.  I guess the moral of the story is, there's no safe place and no place that's unsafe.

    Brent is Executive Director of the Missouri Bicycle Federation, which is the political voice for  Missouri  bicyclists and  pedestrians,   providing 

legislative and advocacy efforts to improve  the cycling  and pedestrian 

environment.MoBikeFed promotes bicycling and pedestrian access, safety and education in Missouri.

Jonathan, Ed, and Gnocchi

Love

Christmas is for Cats too

Twins Amanda and Naomi in aprons Aunt Marilyn sent.

Jonathan and Brigitte, our two 15-year-olds.

Telephoto of Jack & Jackie Kennedy - oh, no -Brooke & Elizabeth.

                                                  "I guess that makes me a Monkey's Uncle," Ed says.                                                                                         All seven grandchildren:  Jonathan, Naomi, Klarissa, Isaak, Karlton, Amanda, & Brigitte.

So it's blurry.  You get the picture.  With help, Amy put four puzzles together.

Grandpa and Brigitte putting 50's puzzle Aunt Verla gave us together

Brooke teaching Ed to use his new iPod.

The Sleepover:  Amanda, Klarissa, & Naomi

The Next day:  Karlton, Isaak, Ed

 Told You

Frost on pine trees,
Snow on pink ground.
Bryce winter-clothed,
Christmassy found.

Family home
At Christmas time.
Peace on earth,
Soft hearts sublime.

(DeLoy Heaton Esplin.

January 7, 2012)

 

EAST WINDS IV

ONE MONTH LATER

“Better keep your garage door closed.

Close your blinds at night.

These are not college kids working on roofs,”

Amy warns.

“If I were still doing rehabilitative counseling

with x-prisoners, they’d all be working.

Required to furnish their own tools,

I’d set them up with an air compressor,

a hammer, boots, tar clothes.
Around $2,000,

and they’ll be on the roof by Monday.”

Maybe she’s right about the neighborhood.

One guy standing out in the middle of the street

watching over a crew

when I triked up and down the street,

was still there when I came back with my camera.

He asked why I was taking pictures.

Perhaps they are not x-prisoners;

but actual prisoners. Gainfully employed.

Catastrophic emergency.

Weather cooperating.

The Salt Lake Tribune  Published: December 29, 2011 07:41PM

The Wasatch Front and much of the state are on track for the driest December since weather records have been kept.  The airport’s 0.03 inches is less than the previous record set in December 1976, when only 0.08 inches of water fell as rain or snow.

Up and down the street, home repairs abound.

People walking around on roofs like its

Avenue des Champs-Élysées.

All except our roof.

We’re still waiting for the State Farm Appraiser.

 Beautifully, life goes on:

Children still set up stands on the street corner,

even on January 3;

the sun still sets;

and nobly, we commemorate the birth

of the Savior 2000 years ago.

Postscript

From the day of the East Winds on December 1 through January 6, we had no storm—38 days.  Unheard of in mid-winter.  The State Farm Appraiser was going to come Thursday.  No show.  Friday at 4, he was coming right over.  No show.  We were thrilled to wake up to 8” of snow and snowing this morning.  Tonight (Saturday) he called and said he would be here Wednesday at 1 PM.