The Initiation

I feel differently.

since my diagnoses of breast cancer.

The surgery was virtually painless.

No radiation or chemo.

I haven’t taken enough hormone inhibitor pills to have a reaction.

But everything has changed

inside my head and heart.

Other events in my life have been more earth shattering,

painful, traumatic, heartbreaking.

So why do I now feel differently inside?

Is it because I dreaded it so

and it turned out not as disruptive as feared?

Or was it merely my launch and

I passed through the veil into old age.

You Never Know

A week after Billie Timothy’s funeral,

when we get to church all three back sections are opened up.

Usually there is only one.

“What is going on?” I ask Dave Schramn, who has a program.

“Is it a funeral?”

“I don’t know. Let’s look,” he obliged. 

“Is it mine?”

“Wouldn’t that be awful," he muses,

"to be the last to know that you are dead?” 

Nothing.

So I sit down,

relieved to know I am still alive.

You're Eighty????

We stop in at the lab to have my thyroid checked

on the way to the gym this morning.

The girl at the desk,

after getting my birth date,

looks up at me and exclaims:

“You’re eighty years old?”

“Yip.”

It took me a minute because

it’s hard for me to comprehend too.

“I cannot believe it.

You do not look eighty.

Not at all.

I am so surprised.”

“And we’re on our way to the gym to swim.”

Then the other clerk stared.

I’ve waited six months for someone to say that to me.

Of course,

when we get to the gym

and I try to get out of the car,

I feel eighty!

Very eighty.

Epilogue:

Hi Jeanette

You do many things that keep you young.

Here are two on the tip of my tongue.

You do yoga and go to the gym,

Both of which help you stay spry and slim.

ld

Hi DeLoy

I do many things that keep me young;

To say I’m slim is a bit far-flung.

You’re a fine poet, not a dingbat;

Could you find a word that rhymes with fat?
lj

Multi-tasking

I can massage my head;

while rotating my ankles

40 times in one direction,

then 40 times in the other;

breathe long slow breaths;

and think about fixin'

ham, hashbrowns, and eggs,
with relish from Mama's recipe,

for breakfast.
Oh yes, and orange juice.
Four things at the same time.

Not bad for an 80-year-old, eh?

Then I throw up;

but that's another story.

Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes

     I've been blogging for six years now and have nine followers; only two of whom actually follow me.  A good blogger would have hundreds by now, increasing each day, like Julie in Julie and Julia. You remember, Julia Child's story of her start in the cooking profession intertwined with blogger Julie Powell's 2002 challenge to cook all the recipes in Child's first book.

     Since I have no new followers and most of the ones I have don't follow and I still keep blogging, I have concluded that I evidently like to talk to myself.

     It's therapeutic, you know.

     So here's a chronicle on the body's ability to heal itself. As I've mentioned before, when you finally get old and wise and have learned from your experiences, no one wants to listen to you because you're old, forgetful, and useless.

     I remember complaining about one knee early on in aerobics at the old Deseret Gym in Ogden close to 30 years ago.  "When are you going to do something about your knee?" Joyce would ask. Then the other one went bogus so now I don't know which one started acting up first. As my flexibility became more and more limited and the pain kept me awake at night, I started thinking of solutions. Yip. Bone on bone. You need knee replacement. Yeah, after I've tried everything else. 

     The first thing I did was get injections in the knee. "Totally covered on Medicare." Sure. We went to American Fork something like nine times and it wasn't totally covered on Medicare and they billed us for we don't know what. All you can do is pay. And I saw not one iota of change. Of course, you have to do it every six months or something. Sure. Keep doing something that doesn't work.

     My next quest was for laser treatment. "Never have surgery." $7,000. Best laser west of the Mississippi. We got thinking about that overnight and decided we wanted out. No way. We signed. Eventually, we got out for $800. He has since been investigated for frauding older clients; making false promises. We found another chiropractor who did more for $900. Most of the treatment was nice and pleasant except when he tried to adjust my knees; but truthfully, I could detect no improvement.

     I started thinking more and more about knee replacement. In fact, the pain was so intense and my movement so limited that I pretty much thought about it all the time. I gave up walking. Going up and down stairs was a killer. I kept swimming and biking.

     Then at DeRay's sibling retreat in Vegas three years ago, his brother Ron talked me into taking Joint Pills, vitamins and other supplements that are designed to help the body restore itself. Ron says it has the capability. 

     After two years, I didn't think about having knee replacement anymore. I still had some pain and restrictions but it's livable. I used a heating pad to help me sleep at night and just sort of learned what I could and couldn't do. I still don't like to walk but when Amy talks me into driving to the hollow and walking about a mile by the stream in the trees, I'm always glad I did it.

     Ron says our bodies are like roads; there always needs to be construction going on somewhere so I try not to get discouraged. I now believe the body has amazing restorative capabilities.

     When we went to the gym in Ogden, Ed and I always did the weight machines but since we have been going to Clearfield, we haven't started. One day when Amy went with us, she talked us into trying it out. "Even if you only do it for ten minutes, it will help you." Oh my goodness, at first my knees and shoulders hurt more but as we continued with the machines three days a week, eventually I realized that I have less pain at night; and sometimes I have no pain at all.  The machines that had been there all along, added the finishing touches to my knee saga. I still walk up the stairs like an old lady, but then I am an old lady. Eighty in less than a month.

     It's probably a combination of the supplements, the strengthening machines, my daily stretches and trike rides; and swimming three times a week. I'm feeling pretty positive about the healing powers of my own body.

     With gratitude.

     Good night, Jeanette.    

Approaching Eighty

“I am completely worn out,” I think as I struggle up the stairs, stopping to puff at the top. It’s not night time after a hard day’s work; it’s morning.

It reminds me of what Eddy said when he was six years old; "School wears me out and school wears my clothes out too."

Life wears me out and life wears my clothes out too.
   I wonder if my clothes and I will wear out at exactly the same time or if I’ll have to buy new clothes.

ACCESSMENT

“I’m dead,”

I pronounce while sitting at the table,

too tired to get up and do dishes.

“You don’t look it,” Ed says,

“Your heart’s beating; you’re breathing; you’re moving. . .”

“I’m going to the movie?”

“And another thing. . .”

“What?”

“You’re deaf.”

Oblivious

You are either very young or very old

When you put on a shirt or a swimming suit

Wrong side out

And don’t even notice

Until it’s too late.

Wearing Clothes Outside-In or Inside-Out

DeLoy H. Esplin, 29 April 2016

Whereas wearing clothes outside-in

Is not a win,

And as wearing clothes inside-out

Leaves place for doubt,

Check twice when going on life’s stage

At any age.

I differ from Jeanette in that I don’t think the problem she describes is age-related in that when I had my mild stroke many years ago [at the then young age of 64] my chief symptoms for a time were forgetting to zip up, and I often buttoned shirts wrong. One time I struggled and struggled to rotate the tires. My problem was that I was trying to turn the nuts off the wrong way, and all seemed stuck.)

Analogy

DeRay fell while walking into a dark i-max theater

at Clark Planetarium.

He struggled to get up.

The first preview showed the astronauts

staggering, falling, stumbling like drunks

as they tried to maneuver on the moon

in their inflexible spacesuits.

Old age,

with obesity, joint, and balance challenges,

 is like living in a spacesuit

24-hours a day,

we joshed.

Yeah

They came at 7:20; took the old fridge out; 

the new one in and left by 8:20 PM

Photo by DeRay

   They came at 7:20 last night to deliver the new fridge. They were supposed to come the day before but too late we found out they had the wrong name, the wrong phone number, and when they tried to charge it on the credit card it had a fraud alert. The reason it had a fraud alert was because after DeRay charged it on the credit card on Monday, we got a call from American Express saying someone in Nevada was charging $200 for play tickets; someone in New Hampshire was charging $15 at a hardware store; and someone at Lowe's charged $10. The only thing we've purchased at Lowe's in the past few years was the fridge on Monday. So they cancelled the credit card and are sending a new one. I think the clerk was a crook but DeRay thinks his account was hacked. So why wasn't the clerk to work last night when DeRay went down to see why they didn't deliver the fridge? 
    Why do we need a new fridge in the basement? The other one was only four years old. Because while I was in Cedar City with my sisters, DeRay decided to surprise me and put a latch on the freezer door that was always swinging open. While trying to move it out to work on it, he ruined the coils on the bottom with the hand truck. But we didn't know this until Amy came up on Sunday and said the fridge wasn't working - six days later.

  Ed and I went ahead and went to church while DeRay and Amy emptied the expired fridge. While they were transferring what they could salvage to the fridge upstairs, they noticed it was raining in the kitchen. By morning, Amy said there was a gallon of water in the middle of the kitchen floor. She mopped it up and we ignored it as we have a tendency to do in our old age. At 1 AM DeRay came up and asked if I'd help mop up the kitchen. "There's water everywhere." I had left the water on a dribble for Gnocchi, the cat, who loves a fresh drink of water from the tap and I forgot to turn it off. So now we know, it's the bathroom sink. DeRay still hasn't figured out how to solve the problem. It wasn't put together right when the plumber put in a new sink a year or two ago. We wash our hands in Ed's bathroom which greatly irritates him. He claims his bathroom is for him and guests only.
   And then DeRay discovered the small freezer out in the garage was turned off. When we came home from Cedar City, Verla's tire was low so I was trying to plug in the air pump and accidentally unplugged the fridge. Four days later we noticed.
   I'm not sure we're responsible home owners anymore.
   I haven't even been down to see the new fridge. I'm afraid the basement will be flooded.
   Now for the Good News: We smoked the thawed turkey. Delicious!

Approaching Eighty

I remember years ago our yoga instructor saying that she knew a woman in her 70’s who still practiced yoga every day. We all gasped. We could not fathom such a thing. Here am I, in my 80^th year, and still doing yoga every day--my own reduced practice, to be sure, and mainly stretches, wiggles, and twists; lots of isometric. One day a week, I do a guided audio 20-minute yoga session but I pick gentle ones. None of the hard core stuff; no head or shoulder stands (I already paid a chiropractor enough for that), no plow, crane, or frog; no Hot Power Fusion, Power Vinyasa, or Advanced Forrest yoga. I don’t think I could last out an hour class and certainly not 1½ hours like they do at Snowbird. But hey, I’m approaching 80 (as Eddy so often reminds me) and still doing Yoga!

Tree pose

Mountain

Warrior 2

 Extended Right Angle

Reverse Warrior

Warrior 1

A very poor Warrior 3 or Brave Warrior

Down Dog

Going into half-pigeon

Plank

Figure 4 - Hip opener.

We store a lot of stress and tension in our hips.

An anti-aging pose.

This is the one I do for my back - sway back and forth -

that my knees hate.

Each day I do 4 short kriyas for the brain.
This one clears away all the smut and crud in the air.
(I don't know how to rotate it.)

Cat and Cow are anti-aging poses.

These four short kriyas on the videos are designed to
wash the brain, balancing both the right and left hemispheres;
open up the blockage so the oxygen and blood can flow,
bringing mental clarity and blood to the brain.
They are designed to energize us, make us more alert, 
and our eyes brighter.
I think they might work.
I took the Facebook test where they
guess how much education you have.
Conclusion: A Doctorate Degree!

This is when I focus on the bird in the tree top across the street.

Child's pose

Corpse pose - my favorite. The only one I can do.

When I asked K’Leena to take the pictures, I told her I only had one requirement: To make me look NOT FAT.

I should have asked her to make to look NOT OLD too; but she would have failed at that as she did in not making me look fat.

The Wall Street Journal had an article stating that yoga injures far more than it helps. A noted teacher told the journalist:  “the vast majority of people should give up yoga altogether. It’s simply too likely to cause harm.”

“Not just students but celebrated teachers too,” Black said, “injure themselves in droves because most have underlying physical weaknesses or problems that make serious injury all but inevitable.” Instead of doing yoga, “they need to be doing a specific range of motions for articulation, for organ condition,” he said, to strengthen weak parts of the body. “Yoga is for people in good physical condition. Or it can be used therapeutically. It’s controversial to say, but it really shouldn’t be used for a general class.”

According to Black, a number of factors have converged to heighten the risk of practicing yoga. The biggest is the demographic shift in those who study it. Indian practitioners of yoga typically squatted and sat cross-legged in daily life, and yoga poses, or asanas, were an outgrowth of these postures. Now urbanites who sit in chairs all day walk into a studio a couple of times a week and strain to twist themselves into ever-more-difficult postures despite their lack of flexibility and other physical problems. Many come to yoga as a gentle alternative to vigorous sports or for rehabilitation for injuries. But yoga’s exploding popularity — the number of Americans doing yoga has risen from about 4 million in 2001 to what some estimate to be as many as 20 million in 2011 — means that there is now an abundance of studios where many teachers lack the deeper training necessary to recognize when students are headed toward injury. “Today many schools of yoga are just about pushing people,” Black said.

So all my efforts are for naught. However, I don't think I'm in much danger of injury. . .

Thanks K'Leena, you did as well as humanly possible.
DeRay added a couple of pictures.

Potpourri

You know how sanctimonious Christians are always touting that marriage is between a man and a woman.

My definition:

Marriage is love.

Let the bureaucrats enforce that.

Speaking of marriage,

What good does it do to be married

When you have to rub your own feet at night

Or if your back itches at a place where you can’t scratch

- - “Tough”.

A phone call is such a rarity anymore

That when it’s for me

I’m afraid it’s because someone died,

Unless the Visiting Teachers are calling to make an appointment.

“Salt Lake City, Utah” I taunt Ed.

“Oh, Salt Lake City has a new mayor –“ he reveals excitedly,

“Jackie What’s-her-face?”

Jackie Biskupski. I can’t say it either.

So I walk by Ed’s room.

His TV is off;

No earphones on.

He’s just sitting there silently.

“What are you doing?”

“Thinking.”

You know, that’s not a bad idea.

I might try it sometime.

Every so often I cannot sleep at night.

Like last night.

I finally go downstairs and get my i-Pad and play games

For hours.

Still I lie there awake.

I think it’s because I get too much sleep

And every once in awhile

I have a sleepless night to catch up -

Diametrically opposite to sleep deprivation.

We generally go to bed around midnight

And get up around 7 or 7:30.

I can’t believe I can sleep that much

In my old age.

I love the luxury of being lazy.

I’m glad I’m not running for President of the United States.

Christmas for Golden Oldies

 For Christmas, we’re getting DeRay an oxygen machine.

  $600 if you buy it outright.

Insurance will rent a machine for $180/month

  with a copayment of $36, in perpetuity.

In the 5-1/2 years the last machine functioned,
  (under warranty for 5 years, of course)

  insurance would have paid $11,880;

  we would have paid $2,376

  for a machine that cost $600 new.

That goes against DeRay’s sensibilities.

It would be paid for in three months

  if they would buy it outright.

But our insurance will not pay anything to purchase a new one.

What are they thinking?

We also are buying him TV ears.

Ostensibly, it’s so the TV noise won’t bother Amy downstairs,

  but everybody knows it’s so he can hear the TV.

We may pick up a few pair of reading glasses too.
Maybe some insulin and needles in his sock.

My, how our gift-wishes change as we grow older.

Another difference old age makes is,

  as soon as UPS delivers the package,

  he starts using the item.

Why put it under the Christmas tree?

That’s silly.

Me, I still believe in Santa Claus.

Selfish Knees

I baby my knees,

I admit it,

Walking up and down stairs

Like an old lady (duh)

Putting the same foot in front

On every step.

Early each morning

I like to lie on my back

Holding my big toes

With my thumb and next two fingers

Then raise my legs toward the ceiling

Swaying back and forth.

It feels so good on my back,

While shooting pain through my touchy knees.

“Calm down knees,” I scold,

“All day long I cater to you.

Give my back a break!”

Hidden Perks

I have found a few little perks about old age that I hadn’t thought about before.

I thought it was just a steady downhill struggle. . .

Slowly losing your eyesight, hearing, motor skills, memory, joints, digestive system, nervous system, hair, skin, nails,

Until you’re gone.

The bonuses I realized after I visited my doctor last week for some insurance-mandated tests.

     Mammograms are not recommended anymore.

     A colonoscopy is not recommended anymore.

     It is not recommended I have the other side of my thyroid out even though the first side was cancerous.

I have strenuously rejected prescription drugs and at one time tried to get completely off them

Even though my cholesterol was 300, I had Hashimotos disease, arthritis, acid reflux, and osteoporosis.

Now I happily swallow pills for all of the above as well as a high blood pressure pill,

plus a multitude of vitamins and minerals that threaten to bankrupt us.

Know why I don’t have to have the tests and don’t mind taking the drugs?

    Because I’m so old that I will probably die before any of them get me.

It’s surprisingly liberating.

Old age, you are my friend.

I embrace you.

The last test the insurance company insisted on

Was for depression.

I just answered everything to give me the healthiest score.

It’s none of their business.

Why would I want to kill myself?

It happens naturally; plus

I have too much to do.