Aunt Mar

I lie awake during the night thinking about how I am going to miss Aunt Mar. It surprises me. She was three weeks short of 97 years old. She wanted to go. Her family rejoiced that she was set free.

For over 60 years, we have stopped by to see them, and/or called them periodically on the phone. 

(Until Eddy started to talk, we called him Travis. He let us know he did not like that name, so when we changed our last name, we switched his name around to Edward Travis.)

They came to our kids’ baby blessings, missionary farewells, concerts throughout the valley. One time, Aunt Mar called and said they wanted to come out to Davis High School’s orchestra concert because she loved Strauss music. She had read about it in the paper. We made arrangements to go together, not knowing at the time that Brooke had a French horn solo in it. They came to all of Brent’s and Brooke’s concerts. Of course, we saw them at reunion every year at Duck Creek on Cedar Mountain.

1965 Kenneth Duffin, Mar and Robert's youngest son, Brent DeRay, 2-years old; Calvin Sorensen, and Lynn Charles Hart, my two nephews who went to the Pugh Reunion with us. We were always going to name our first son Kenneth Duffin. They beat us to it. Serves us right for waiting seven long years to have our first baby. 

 Often we were the first ones to the reunion and/or the last to leave. One year, the kids spent one whole day at Mirror Lake building a raft.

81-year-old Aunt Mar, trying out Ed's adult recumbent trike. 2002
Now I'm, all too soon, 81 and ride my trike nearly everyday, it doesn't seem so remarkable.

 Amy, Millie, and Aunt Mar hiking to Mirror Lake - every year! One mile each way.

2002

Millie (her only daughter) & Aunt Mar at Uncle Kelly's Graveside Services 2005. 

Annie Gardner Judd, my Valley High School classmate, Jeanette, Amy, Aunt Mar, 90 years old. 2011

We also went camping with them at Rockport and other places. One time, Brent saved Aunt Mar from being washed down the Provo River when we were tubing. I remember dancing with Uncle Robert there. He was a wonderful dancer, teaching at Arthur Murray and other places.  DeRay thought of Robert and Kelly more as brothers than uncles. Orphaned young, they lived with DeRay's family until they served their country in combat during World War II.
           In later years, we had a little dinner club with Uncle Grant, Aunt Olive, and Uncle Robert and Aunt Mar. We had them out on Christmas Eve one year when we found that we would be alone and so would they. When DeRay was working in Albuquerque, Ed, Amy, and I rode to Mexico to stay in Judi’s Beach House with Uncle Robert and Aunt Mar. We picked up Grandpa Pugh in Kanab. DeRay met us in Flagstaff.

 Ed & Aunt Mar at the Beach. The Gulf of California. Puerto Penasco.

 Going to church: Aunt Mar, Frankie. Back: Eddy & Judy

 Frankie, Eddy, Jeanette, DeRay, Aunt Mar

 Ed, Judi, Frankie (sisters), Aunt Mar, DeRay January 23, 1992

Aunt Mar was married to DeRay’s dad’s brother. She, Robert and his twin brother, Kelly, and DeRay’s Uncle Grant Pope on his mother’s side, were all in the same graduating class from Kanab High School in in about 1939. I don’t know when we discovered that Mar and I were second cousins – our grandmothers are sisters. Her grandmother married a Chamberlain and my grandmother, Emily Alvira Hoyt, married an Esplin.

Aunt Mar was always interested in everything the kids were doing. When Amy was in her condo, one evening when I was staying down there, Amy went over and picked her up and brought her back to her condo for dinner. Aunt Mar was so amazed that Amy would fix such a delicious meal so effortlessly. She appreciated everything.

All of our kids loved Aunt Mar and Uncle Robert.

Any man’s death diminishes me,

because I am involved in mankind;

        

        John Donne was right. Aunt Mar’s death diminished me. When she died, a part of me died too.

”No Man Is an Island”

by John Donne

No man is an island,

entire of itself;

every man is a piece of the continent,

a part of the main.

If a clod be washed away by the sea,

Europe is the less,

as well as if a promontory were,

as well as if a manor of thy friend’s

or of thine own were.

Any man’s death diminishes me,

because I am involved in mankind;

and therefore never send to know

for whom the bell tolls;

it tolls for thee.

I remember when they used to ring the church bell in Orderville,

one-half hour before time to go to Primary.

They would also ring it
when there was a fire or

when someone died.

Happier, Healthier, and More Creative

An obituary in the newspaper read: Our mother was a classy lady; always dressed to the nines. She never left the house without makeup, jewelry and perfume.

I’m 99.9% sure that I will not be remembered that way. I like to wear sweats every day; take pride in the fact that I can do my hair in 5 minutes—just gel, no blow dryer or curling iron; no perfume, minimum jewelry. Heck, I can do all my morning stretches in the time most people spend doing their hair and makeup. This one lady at the gym spends an hour, I swear, doing her hair and makeup. Gooey stuff on her eye lashes, eye liner, thick makeup, not to mention all the steps she takes on her hair. "Are you getting beautiful to go to work or to have lunch with the Queen of England?" I asked her one day. "No. I'm retired. I'm just going home." I told DeRay if it took me that long to do my hair and makeup after I swim, I would never go swimming. I'm in and out of the dressing room in 20 minutes, including a shower. I waste make-up money in other ways, like pills for my joints that may or may not help.

So how will my obituary read?

How will I be remembered?

I think I want to be known as a “Person of Nature”. Out in nature is where I feel the most content. Especially this week, after I listened to a podcast where Doug Fabrizio interviewed Florence Williams, the author of The Nature Fix, an intrepid investigation into nature’s restorative benefits. Why does nature makes us happier, healthier and more creative? 

For centuries, poets and philosophers extolled the benefits of a walk in the woods: Beethoven drew inspiration from rocks and trees; Wordsworth composed while tromping over the heath; Nikola Tesla conceived the electric motor while visiting a park. Intrigued by our storied renewal in the natural world, Florence Williams sets out to uncover the science behind nature's positive effects on the brain.

From forest trails in Korea, to islands in Finland, to groves of eucalyptus in California, Williams investigates the science at the confluence of environment, mood, health, and creativity. Delving into completely new research, she uncovers the powers of the natural world to improve health, promote reflection and innovation, and ultimately strengthen our relationships. As our modern lives shift dramatically indoors, these ideas—and the answers they yield—are more urgent than ever.

Humans are born with an innate love for other moving things and if we don’t cultivate it at an early age, we can lose it. The biggest exodus of all time is not only moving from rural areas to the city but migrating from the out-of-doors to indoors. In one study, 79% of mothers said they went outside every day; 29% of children spend time outside every day. That’s in one generation.  We have pivoted further away from nature than any generation before us. We are afflicted with mass generational amnesia. How can we get nature back in our lives in order to be our best selves?

They did a study involving tens of thousands of people, asking about their moods. Most people were most unhappy when at work or were sick. The majority were happiest when outside. It didn’t matter who they were with or what they were doing, they were significantly happier when they were outside. Being out in nature takes away stress, makes us think more clearly. Why are we spending so much time indoors away from nature?

Another study, they had people walk for 15 minutes in the woods while another group walked 15 minutes in the city. The cortisone, a hormone produced by the adrenal cortex, levels, which measures stress, were significantly lower in the people who walked in the woods. So exercise is not the answer.

Nature heals. Nature can elevate our immune system for up to three weeks. We are a part of nature; always have been; always will be. In the United States, we are trained to think that nature is something we dominate, utilize, change.  Instead, nature changes our brains and our bodies. When we are in nature, we stop taking ourselves so seriously.

We are not always the best judges of what is best for ourselves. For example, we think going shopping will make us feel good, or watching television; while under-valuing how good nature will make us feel.

Other countries have taken this more seriously. In Japan they have forest bathing. You just hang out in the forest, strolling or sitting; opening up all five senses to the woods; paying attention to what you are smelling, what you are feeling—feeling the breeze on your face. Learning to be mindful.  Smells reach the brain quickly – changing mood, changing behavior; invigorating us, making us more calm, less stressed, more energy; boasting our moods.

They locked people in a hotel room. In one room they misted with essential oils from the Cyprus trees.  For the other group, they sprayed water.  The group that were misted with essential oil had much healthier profiles.  

We were evolved to walk, walk, walk; to sit around the campfire and talk.

Air pollution not only affects our lungs, the particles go through the nose directly into the brain. Air pollution in this country kills three times more people than traffic accidents.

The dominant perception is sight. They did a window studies.  After patients had gall bladder surgery, records showed that those who were placed by a window with beautiful views of lawns and flowers asked for less pain meditation and were released from the hospital sooner than those who had no window or the window only showed a brick wall. Even observing nature through a window is beneficial.

Doctors are beginning to prescribe nature as medicine.

Our Park Service is putting dollars and expertise into getting people into nature.

Our own David Strayer has known for a long time that there's a restorative power in nature. The University of Utah psychologist is an avid hiker, but his latest research quantifies the benefits of turning off your technology and getting outdoors. After 4 days in the wilderness with no cell phones, laptops or gadgets, people were 50% better at creative problem-solving.

Actually, after only three days in the wilds, something profound shifts in our brains, suddenly we are getting ideas we’ve never had before. Five hours a month in the woods, keeps people from getting depressed and helps them heal.

Perhaps if I emerge myself deeply within the healthy healing woods, I will never die; no obituary needed.

ACCESSMENT

“I’m dead,”

I pronounce while sitting at the table,

too tired to get up and do dishes.

“You don’t look it,” Ed says,

“Your heart’s beating; you’re breathing; you’re moving. . .”

“I’m going to the movie?”

“And another thing. . .”

“What?”

“You’re deaf.”

Questions

Questions for my sister Lucy who preceded me in death.

Dear Lucy,

1.   What language do you speak?

2.   Do you see Mama and Daddy much?

3.   Can you see us?

4.   What do you do all day?

5.   Do you eat and sleep?

6.   Have you seen Jesus and Heavenly Father?

7.   Have you met Mother in Heaven?

8.   Does she mind being invisible?

9.   Are men more important than women?

10.                  Do you live in a mansion?

11.                  Have you met lots of nice people?

12.                  Are you still obsessive compulsive?

13.                  How do you progress?

14.                  Do you laugh?

15.                  Are you content?

16.                  Does anything hurt?

17.                  Are their accidents and illness?

18.                  How do you look?

19.                  Would we recognize you?

20.                  How do you get around?

21.                  Do you have to follow certain routes?

22.                  Where are you in comparison to earth?

23.                  What surprised you most?

24.                  Do you have socials?

25.                  Is there a pecking order?

26.                  Do you study and learn?

27.                  Do you read?

28.                  Are you sorry you accused me of stealing your pearls?

29.                  Did you really want that picture of Mama?

30.                  Do you still always want to look nice?

31.                  Did it matter that your casket was elegant?

32.                  Are you still a stickler for detail?

33.                  What work is there to do?

34.                  Do you play Boggle?

35.                  Are you ever sad?

36.                  Did you remember things instantaneously or is it a gradual awakening?

37.                  Are you happy?

38.                  What color are you?

Love, Jeanette