Aghast

The days I do not do yoga,

    do not ride my trike,

    do not go swimming,

    or stand on the vibrator;

my knees feel the best.

To my sorrow,

    I already pretty much have given up walks.

What kind of a life is this?

    My knees should delight in activity;

    Not stagnation.

I’m horrified.

My Own Voice

I’ve especially loved what I consider personal revelation or a guardian angel, or someone assigned to me because God can’t be everywhere, in my everyday life.  Like a thought in my head:  “Stop, Jeanette.  You’ve said enough.”  Or “He’s going to be OK.  He will not die.  He will get better.”  Warnings, blessings really, so I have felt comforted and like I don’t have to go it alone.  A higher more knowledgeable voice surrounds me.  A higher power.  I have cherished that divine help, relied on it.  I’ve often thought that we could not survive without it.  Things are just too hard.

Starting Deepak’s meditation this time, where he has us repeat things like:

My security and peace are within.

I am the source of unlimited happiness.

My power and strength are within.

My love and compassion are within.

My truth and creativity are within.

My wisdom is within.

I begin to wonder if the voice I hear, the warnings, the affirmations, the comfort, is my own voice.  My own wiser self.  Inner wisdom.  Could it possibly all come from within?  Even in childhood we were taught to listen to the "still, small voice within", ostensibly, our conscience.  Could that be God’s plan?  Divine design?  In mortality, the wisdom and awareness of our pre-existence is veiled.  Is it still there, concealed but available?  Am I my own keeper?  Are we capable of such intelligence, sagacity, and independence?

I wonder.

Who’s having the most fun?

Evidently DeRay forgot to confirm his condo reservation so when they get to Vegas after freeway delays because of the BLM cattle war with the ranchers near Bunkerville and shopping at Costco, DeRay, Clare, and Eddy discover they have no place to stay – on a Saturday night in Las Vegas.  It is 4 AM before they finally get settled in a cheap hotel room.  Even after finding a place on line, when they get there, they’d never heard of them.  Waiting.  Waiting.  Finally.  Then they have to walk forever to get to the building because parking is packed with gamblers.  They can't face carrying their entire luggage up so many stairs. Oh yes, the inconvenient elevator, even further away, is broken.  They negotiate for another room.  In the middle of the night, all of this takes times.  Poor dears.  What are they going to do all week in a little dingy hotel room?  No couches; no table, chairs, kitchen.  Not even a microwave or fridge.  (Secretly, Clare is happy they don't have to cook!)

Meanwhile, I’m home in my Select Comfort adjustable bed, with a Jacuzzi tub, sauna, yoga at my fingertips, a full kitchen, new Bosch dishwasher, washing machine, couches; comfort; triking between thunderstorms; two cats for company; and gloriously, a triangle of tulips bursting into bloom. 

  Who could ask for anything more? 

Amy, maybe.  She and K’Leena are in the Cliff Lodge at Snowbird.  They have everything I have (except cats), plus a swimming pool and. . . .  . . . .it is snowing!

Snowbird.

Duh. 

The cats moved upstairs from downstairs quick as a wink. Fickle friends!

The moon belongs to everyone, wherever you are.
Eclipse of "Blood Moon".  April 15, 2014
Yip, my own photo.