The Vacation

Amy and K'Leena left for Bryce today.

Be gone a week.

"While Amy is on vacation;

I am on vacation," I announce.

"You guys plan to fix your own meals."

I was totally surprised when DeRay

said that dinner was ready.

I could see only one pan on the stove.

"What is it?"

"BLT's. The bacon is right here."

All we had to do was

slice the tomatoes

chop the lettuce

cut the bread

find the butter and mayo

and put our sandwiches together.

Impressive, DeRay!

Why aren't women more like men?

Oh, yes, and do the dishes.
(He's watching TV.)

DeRay Got Surgery for Christmas

DeRay got cancer removed from his face -

his second surgery in December.

He makes a good sick person

because he loves to watch TV all day.

This gives him a guilt-free excuse.

Right after surgery December 28. 

Around 15 stitches each time

on the outside;

probably same inside.

With the  bandage, he couldn't use his c-Pap machine.

He tried to sleep in a chair; thought it was miserable.

He wonders how Clare and Marilyn do it.

December 29 - 

December 30. Bandage off. Selfie.
Graphic.
Yeah. 
(We've been watching West Wing reruns
so we say "yeah" to everything.)

Happy New Year

But for the Grace of God

     Our next door neighbor, in bearing her testimony on Sunday, told the story of her husband going out to their detached garage to check things out before going to bed. He called her on his cell from the garage asking her to come take a look. Somehow the gas line had fallen down on the space heater that was pumping out hot air. The plastic had already melted with the gas tank close by, she surmised that if he hadn’t gone out, it would have exploded and they would all be dead.  Hmmm, our bedroom and family room are closer to that garage than their house is. Where would we be?
     About a month ago, while walking out of the garden DeRay tripped on a string used to tie up the beans. It spun him around and he fell flat on his back. While struggling to get up he observed the rebar rods used to hold up the tomato cages. He had put the cages away for the winter; only the rebar remained. If he had fallen on one of those, he would have been impaled. Lucky as he was, he only crushed the grow box he fell on. He had his cell phone, he could have called for help but he was talking to Clare. Vegas is a bit too far away to help in an emergency. He ended up with a vicious bruise on his lower spine that still bothers him.
     Who needs war? Our own backyard had perils aplenty.

Small Miracles for Christmas

When the microwave flashed and crashed,

the little miracles materialized.
1. It died while it was still under extended warranty; not two days later as per usual.

2. DeRay rarely buys extended warranties but he did this time. (Six big bucks.)

3. He actually found the warranty in the files.

4. They emailed the money enabling him to run right down to Wal*Mart to get a new one so Amy’s early morning routine would not be disrupted.

This part isn’t a miracle but sagacious:

Instead of waiting three weeks for some masculine specimen to take the old microwave out as promised, the female cuts the electrical cord off and hauls it out to the garbage herself before Amy gets home and fills the garage with her car. (The garbage can is full for the week with a microwave and dysfunctional oxygen machine, which the adroit female also dumped without waiting for said male to initiate a plan of action--like find the hand truck, roll it out; tip the garbage can on its side; push it in; stand the garbage can upright. In his defense, he did have a bit of surgery on Wednesday to remove cancer on his face--11 stitches.)

Christmas for Golden Oldies

 For Christmas, we’re getting DeRay an oxygen machine.

  $600 if you buy it outright.

Insurance will rent a machine for $180/month

  with a copayment of $36, in perpetuity.

In the 5-1/2 years the last machine functioned,
  (under warranty for 5 years, of course)

  insurance would have paid $11,880;

  we would have paid $2,376

  for a machine that cost $600 new.

That goes against DeRay’s sensibilities.

It would be paid for in three months

  if they would buy it outright.

But our insurance will not pay anything to purchase a new one.

What are they thinking?

We also are buying him TV ears.

Ostensibly, it’s so the TV noise won’t bother Amy downstairs,

  but everybody knows it’s so he can hear the TV.

We may pick up a few pair of reading glasses too.
Maybe some insulin and needles in his sock.

My, how our gift-wishes change as we grow older.

Another difference old age makes is,

  as soon as UPS delivers the package,

  he starts using the item.

Why put it under the Christmas tree?

That’s silly.

Me, I still believe in Santa Claus.

Are Men from Mars and Women from Venus?

On a Saturday

When my daughter, my sisters, my cousin and I

Go to lunch and a production at Pioneer Memorial Theater

To celebrate my birthday,

DeRay sits on the couch watching inane TV shows

all afternoon and evening.

He boasts he is going to make me a birthday cake

But he doesn’t.

On the next Saturday

When DeRay* and Ed go to the Clark Planetarium

For a few shows, (so Ed won’t have a boring weekend,)

I wash and hang a batch of clothes;

  Pick the basil and tomatoes;

  Wash, cook, and freeze the beets**;

  Package the frozen peppers,

  Rearrange the freezers,

  Load and start the dishwasher;

  Wipe off the counters

  Vacuum and mop the kitchen, hall, and bathroom floors.

Perhaps men and women are from different planets.

*In his defense, he did dig the beets before he left and went grocery shopping before he came home.

**Since the pressure cooker blew up 20 years ago,

Scalding my face, legs and chest,

I’m leery of beets even though I cooked them

In a regular pot on top of the stove.

Just the smell makes me fearful.

BTW, I froze 9 quarts – a far cry from

The 200 pints Uncle Ed and I bottled from

Mama’s garden when she was recovering

From her first brain surgery.

I remember how acutely I missed having her in the kitchen,
even thought it wasn't the house in which I was reared,

And I had been married and gone from home

For over a dozen years.

. . . Memories. Memories . . .

Rain & Shine

GREEN SPRING 

Never do I remember our hills being so green in the spring. The lavish rains transformed our desert landscape into a lush green carpet.As with Brent and Jan, the power company has never come to inspect so we can switch over to the solar panels and capture the sunshine. 

 

SOLAR PANELS

Copying Brent and Jan, DeRay had solar panels installed on our roof. What do you think? The solar panels cost twice as much as our first house.  We’ll never live long enough to recoup our investment but who’s counting? 

We were plum worn out watching the industry from 7:30 AM until dusk.  We’re not used to having 8-10 strange guys in and out, up and down, in the attic, on the roof. DeRay told them he wanted a discount for using his engineering skills to hook up the electricity and place the panels.  They acknowledged his expertize too telling me how much time he saved them and how much more efficient the panels were but, alas, no monetary compensation.

Now my exercise room in the basement is The Control Room,

but who's counting?


 

As with Brent and Jan, the power company has never come to inspect so we can switch over to the solar panels and capture the sunshine.  

Good to Me

Oh, DeRay is good to me.

And so I thank DeRay

for giving me the things I need:

The sun and the rain and the apple seed;

Oh, wait!

That’s Johnny Appleseed, thanking the Lord.

And so I thank DeRay

for giving me:

a good life;

Fixing things;

Shopping;

Vacations.

Offering to go downstairs for me a glass of water.

(That’s the one that got me.

Stairs are not easy when you’re 80.

We minimize stairs climbing all possible.)

Doing the business side of life

that I detest.

Insurance.

Bills.

Finances.

It doesn’t matter so much that he hasn’t been able to learn

how to hang up his coat

Even though I’ve stepped him through it many times:

                                            1.  Open closet door.

                                            2.  Grab a hanger

                                            3.  Hang coat on rod.

                                            4.  Close closet door.

Or that he leaves his clod-hoppers and his numerous grabbers scattered around;
or can't keep his dresser cleaned off.

He gathers well water;

Plans and plants a garden

with a complex sprinkling system;

Helps with the canning;

Talks to salesmen;

Makes me laugh out loud every day;

Handles problems;

Has a keen and analytical mind;

Pays the bills;

Sure he watches too much TV;
drinks too much caffeine;

he solves all my computer problems

and downloads my pictures.

And so I thank the Lord

for giving me

DeRay.

Troubles

It wasn’t DeRay’s best weekend.

Saturday as we were pulling out of the driveway to go to the play, ***BUMP*** hard. By nature, always blaming someone else, he cursed the weight in the backseat calling us FAT _ _ _ _ _.  Innocent Eddy, Verla and Jeanette; hurt and insulted. He didn’t bother to confess that he had left 12 reams of paper in the trunk because they were so heavy he hadn’t figured out how to get them upstairs.

He thought he just hit the trailer hitch and drove on.

Sunday, Verla asks if he wants her to move her car out of the driveway before he goes to church. “Oh, no. I’ll be fine.”  CRUNCH. CRASH.  Holy Toledo.  He comes home after the sacrament to access  the damage. “Nothing,” he declares. “Wasn’t there already a dent by the front light?” Amy checks and she sees measurable damage including red paint. That’s one advantage of being old and blind. “Sorry, Verla. I’ll give you six oranges if you’ll forgive me.”

As he drives the next few days, he decides maybe the exhaust is dragging. He stops at a station.  Looks OK.  But he hears more as he drives and decides on Wednesday to have it checked at muffler place in Clearfield.  $506.40 estimate to weld up the muffler and install a catalytic converter that had buckled with the force of the jolt. “Well, at least we’re all still alive. No one was hurt.”

In the afternoon, he takes the car down to Brandon, who made the conversion on the car to natural gas. Brandon gave him an estimate of $300.  Two hundred dollar savings, my friends.  “Let’s take a look,” he suggests, so they hoist it up and with a jack they put enough pressure to unbuckle the catalytic converter and smooth it out. With that straightened out, the muffler rides in place, and DeRay can’t wipe the smile off his face.

“How much did that cost you?” I query. He makes a circle with his thumb and forefinger. ZERO!