Duff

I made Eddy laugh.

“Finally got off your duff,” he heckles when he has been waiting for me to floss his teeth and I am stuck on the computer.

“My duff? That’s your grandpa,” I tease and he laughs heartily.

Clarence Duffin Pugh is his full name; he always went by “Duff” - that old coach.

Duff Pugh, coach (tall one in back) 1944-45 Valley High School

.Eddy was born on his grandpa’s birthday: March 11. That’s got to be worth something. We couldn't name him Duff since that' s Brooke's middle name.

Grandpa Duff & Eddy

Uncle Parl, Great Uncle Grant, DeRay holding Travis Edward, Great Uncle Robert, Uncle Norman, Uncle Charles, Grandpa Duff.
Ed's blessing day, April 1973.

They were kindred spirits. One time in church when Grandpa was visiting, the counselor taking charge, said at the end of the meeting. “I’ve been watching Eddy on his Grandpa’s lap during this meeting and it’s priceless. Everyone needs a Grandpa."

Travis Edward & Grandpa Duff

Amy Lyn, Grandpa, Eddy 1977

Grandma Pugh, Brent, Brooke, Grandpa, Eddy, DeRay, Jeanne, Amy 1977

DeRay, Jeanne, Brent, Eddy and Brooke on Santa's lap, Jeanette, Amy Lyn. 1978

"That Santa was Grandpa inside," Amy Lyn chats as we drive home.

"How did you know that?"

"I could tell by his hands. Grandpa's all hair on his hands.

Did you know that?"

Brooke, Grandpa Duff, Eddy 1986 in the house DeRay built.

Brooke Eagle Court of Honor at Duck Creek.

Kenneth, Robert, Brooke, Grandpa, Eddy, Eric, DeRay

July 12, 1986

Grandpa & Ed, November 1989 at Aunt Karen's.

Ed's 16th and Grandpa's 77th Birthday March 11, 1989

93 candles
Mar & Robert, Ron & Lynda with Christy & Brad helped us celebrate.

Grandpa and Ed at Puerta Penassa, Mexico. March 1990

Dad & Ed visiting Grandpa in St. George March 21, 1990

Ed & Grandpa - Fruit Heights

Brooke's recital celebration May 26, 1990

Grandpa Pugh was a go-getter.  He built parks and programs relentlessly.  A community mogul.  A leader.  The kids were always so proud of Grandpa when he ran the 4^th of July shebang in Kanab or the Easter Egg hunt; the race meet, everything. Their grandpa was Mr. Kanab. For several years, DeRay took the kids down to Kanab in the little yellow Honda for the July 24th celebration. Clare came out from Vegas with her kids. DeRay and Clare did the Dutch oven dinner while the kids worked in the booths and ran errands. 
Duff Pugh was very proud of his heritage and his name. He was insulted when a nephew and his family changed their name from Pugh to Hugh. “They are the laughing stock of the whole town when the newspaper reads: ‘Kent and Karen Hugh came home to visit their parents Leslie and Della Pugh’,” Grandpa would report in scorn. Imagine his alarm when his oldest son followed suit. He never forgave him. He found an ally in Eddy. He made him promise when he turned of age, he would change his name back to Pugh. To this day, Eddy wishes his name were Pugh like his grandpa.

TUESDAY AUGUST 21, 1979 – WE CHANGED OUR LAST NAME FROM PUGH TO HUGH in 2^nd District Court in Farmington, Utah, and the Judge smiled.  It was quite a pleasant—even humorous experience.  After DeRay and I answered the questions, Judge Swan took over and he had Brent, Jeanne, and Brooke sworn in to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.  They were all dignified and cute.  Brooke, missing his two front teeth, had a big grin and the Judge got a kick out of asking him if he understood and would like to have his name changed. They were both grinning from ear to ear. Not to be left out, Eddy stands up in front of the whole court and announces, "I don't want to change my name." Our attorney intentionally didn’t have the two younger ones sworn in for fear they would kibosh the request. Nevertheless, Eddy had a message and he intended to deliver it.  His Grandpa Pugh had been brainwashing him. They have always been in cahoots.

"I've got to find the picture of when we changed our names," I say to Ed today. ". . .which upsets me," he grimaces. Still loyal to his Grandpa.

Grandpa died on May 10, 1991, when Eddy was 18 years old.

The same day in court,

we changed Eddy's name from

Travis Edward to Edward Travis.

We called him "Travis" until he started talking

when he let us know he did not like that name.

He's been Eddy or Ed (never "Edward") ever since.

DeRay changed his first names around too,

from Clarence DeRay to DeRay Clarence.
He learned in the army and at university,
that you do not have a hidden first name.

Ed's Birthday Shindig

Three things are certain:

1. Taxes

2. Death

3. Ed's Neighborhood Birthday Openhouse

 Almost Amy, Lana, Randy, and Wes Mathis

 Dave & Lynda Sorensen w/Eddy

 Nate & Shanel Murdock

 Brother Henderson brought a magic trick.

 Isaak dropped by while on his pre-prom date

Suzanne came with twin grandsons Conner & Christian.
If you've seen one, you've seen them both,
even though they are not identical.

Bob & Emily Smith

 Some people know what he likes!

See what Elizabeth created below! Amazing.

We furnished the water.

 Donna & Kent dropped by on Sunday to sing to him.

 Swedish Tarts

Carrot Cookie Bites

Then we headed to Wendover

for a little birthday jaunt.

We planned to swim and relax.

The water was so cloudy you couldn't see the bottom in the shallow.

No way would we get in that.
(This coming from someone
who sloshed in the irrigation water on the front lawn,
grew up playing in the Big Ditch,
went swimming in the Sluice
or reservoir where we sunk in mud up to our knees.
But it was clean merky and did not reek of Chlorine.)
Meandering through the casino Sunday night

we happened upon 

The Kid & Nic Show.

We actually enjoyed it.

While waiting for the next show,

we were enthralled with the moving pictures

from around the world.

We felt like world travelers

and went to bed happy as larks.

Going for the $4.99 breakfast

the next morning,

we discovered our right rear tire was flat.

We had wondered how to spend the day -

the museum isn't finished;

the movie theater had no movies -

no swimming -

too cold to be outside.

Suddenly, our entertainment for the day was provided.

DeRay arranged with insurance for repairs at breakfast.

Retrieving our winter coats
from the trunk,

I walked back to the Rainbow in a brisk wind

turning to snow.

DeRay and Ed waited in the car

for Road Service,
which was supposed to take 90 minutes.

Tire ruined; spare flat.
They almost beat me back to the hotel.

By the time he bought a used tired for $50,
it was time for dinner.

We had planned on a great buffet.

At least once, we drove to Wendover for a breakfast buffet;

several times DeRay, Ed & Ron flew to Wendover,

enjoying the buffet and flying home.

Things change.

The buffet was $18/each.

We weren't that hungry.

We ending up with an $8 hamburger.

Next morning,

we found breakfast at the Red Garter for $3.99,

same breakfast

except

no complimentary ice cream

like the Peppermill.
Basically,
we drove to Wendover
had a flat tire
and came home.

We were back by 1 PM

as happy to be home as if

we'd been gone a month.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ED!

Greatness

I know of no one who handles disappointment

with more grace and finesse than Eddy.

I stand in awe because,

unfortunately,

I'm at the other end of the spectrum.

Stake Conference on Father's Day

I’m pretty sure Eddy was the only one in the whole congregation at the Regional Center (formerly the Valley Music Hall) who listened to stake conference. DeRay was sound asleep; I was watching the people in front, listening to the people behind, watching half the congregation file up and down the stairs endlessly. It’s only two hours. Can’t people hold still? Two rows in front of us a gaggle of girls, including the mother, all have long hair, and they played with each other’s hair twisting, winding, snaking incessantly, or scratching each other’s backs. They passed gum from one end to the other jostling and fighting over it, even the dad.  Directly in front of us a father of four scrunched over three people to confiscate a smart phone from his daughter on the far end. She seethed, then pushed out the other side of the row and disappeared. The mother played with the phone for the rest of the meeting. Maybe she was checking her daughter’s texts, I can’t say. At one point, on her phone she showed the woman sitting next to her what kind of gel she puts on her hair.  The young couple next to them took their toddler out ten times. Or more. Would she have been better off at home? But no one could see her. All around us, people were on their iPhones, iPads, kindles. A chorus of constant clamor. Didn’t anyone learn about reverence in Primary?  Like I say, I think Eddy was the only one listening in the entire edifice. How can he concentrate when there is so much going on?

I've had many titles:

I've been called bishop,

 stake president;

mission president;

and now elder

as a member of the

Council of Seventies,

my favorite title

is that of Father.

"I enjoy being me."

   Amy noted that Ed never says the words that trigger  a sometimes violent response from him. "Las Vegas" has been a constant for many years. Her plan is he doesn't eat until he says the word, theorizing this will desensitize him. Last week, he got so he could say "I love Las Vegas" without  even being prompted.
   Encouraging.
   This week, the word is "stupid". He just could not bring himself to say it. "Why do you want me to say a word I can't stand to say?" he asks politely. We sit there for an hour with his breakfast in front of him. The longer he goes hungry, the more unreasonable he becomes but I needed to follow through. He talked about everything. "We had a good time swimming yesterday, didn't we?" "I sure had a good time a week ago today." "I love the cats, Mom." "I can't believe Gnocchi was in the sink last night." "I'm looking forward to my birthday trip."  "Can you believe I've got something to look forward to in four weeks?" "I love Tuesdays." "I sure enjoyed Modern Family last night." "I love playing games with you, Mom." "I sure enjoy my new chair, Mom." "This year is going well." "I enjoy being me, Mom."
   I offered him suggestions using his core beliefs, like "It's stupid to shop on Sunday." or "It's stupid not to obey all of God's commandments." but he couldn't bring himself to say the word. Amy is more pragmatic with her examples: "It's stupid to step on broken glass with barefeet." "It's stupid to touch a hot stove."
   Finally he blurted out: "You're a stupid idiot!"
   I was instantly offended, then I realized he had used "stupid" in a sentence.
   I hope it will be easier next time.
   He may have won that round.

Lunch:
   Without fanfare, he stood by the table and said "stupid" then admitting, "That's what bugs me."
   "You did good today, Ed."
   "It's sure going well."
   "I never had it so good, Mom."
   "Do you have to write down everything I say?"

A couple of days later:
   "Who do you love, Mom?"
   "You."
   "If you love me, you wouldn't threaten me before every meal." 

 

Happily Ever After

For at least ten years, Ed has used a dental appliance for sleep apnea. We don’t know if it’s because he had so much surgery for so many years that he cannot tolerate a mask on his face and absolutely refuses to use a C-Pap machine, so somehow we found out about the dental thing that, of course, is not covered by insurance and cost around $500.  The first several he had hardly lasted a year so we were paying more for that than for a family gym membership.  I first read that they were covered on insurance in the Senior Sampler in St. George several years ago but when we called the insurance company and asked our dentist, both answered “no”.  So we bought more appliances at $500 each. Just before Christmas last year, there was an ad in the paper for a place in Salt Lake that promised they were covered by insurance. Ed was so happy to go to a place he had seen advertised on TV. I think he felt like a movie star. Depending on your insurance, your share of the cost is $40 or 20%. They take a mold of your mouth and make the appliance to fit. Ed only had to pay $40 and DeRay said it was the Cadillac – When they went to pick it up, it was so big and sturdy that Ed couldn’t even get it in his mouth so they had to order another one. “A Plymouth,” DeRay says. He decides to get one too since they are only $40 and he wouldn’t have to monkey with his breathing machine when he travels. He ordered a “Chrysler” – somewhere between the Cadillac and the Plymouth. He wishes he had got one like Eddy’s. It’s too much of a mouthful. Ed loves his. I don’t know what they do with the one that doesn’t work. Does insurance still pay? Anyway, this is the best part: Because DeRay told Karen about it and her daughter, Kathi, ordered one, he gets a $50 gift certificate to Wall*Mart. “Well, Eddy referred me,” DeRay tells them, "so he should get a gift certificate too." “Sure.” So, neither one has paid a penny and when they go back in next week to have them adjusted, they will subtract the $80 and give them a gift certificate for $20. And they all lived happily ever after and all through the house not a snore could be heard.

Settled

“I don’t know why I’m always running behind,” I bemoan.

“That’s because you’re approaching 80,” Ed resolves.

(He borrowed that phrase from his dad.  Until I put a stop to it and DeRay actually turned 80, he was always using “We’re approaching 80” as an excuse.  “You’re approaching 80,” I insist, “I’m 77.”)

As I ride my trike around the neighborhood in the warm sunshine on November 7, I am listening to “The Wind in the Willow” (a children's novel by Kenneth Grahame, first published in 1908) .

The River Rat is talking to the Mole:

“Nothing seems really to matter, that's the charm of it. Whether you get away, or whether you don't; whether you arrive at your destination or whether you reach somewhere else, or whether you never get anywhere at all, you're always busy, and you never do anything in particular; and when you've done it there's always something else to do, and you can do it if you like, but you'd much better not.”

That’s me to a T.

The less I have to do the behinder I get.  I’m still stinging over Verla and Amy wondering what I have to do when I complained that I was always behind.  “Behind on what?  What do you have to do?” both my daughter and my sister queried simultaneously.  (Blog “The Behinder I Get” September 19, 2014)

Well –

Listen to the River Rat.  He told me so and that is how I came to know.

Part II.
Other recent wise sayings by Eddy:

“Ed, the dishwasher needs to be unloaded.”

“It’s Election Day.  You know I don’t work on Election Day.”

“I forgot to shave,” DeRay said this morning before gym, “I’ll look like a movie star.”  (They all wear a stubble now – as well as half the men at church.)

“We wanted to become one but it didn’t work out,” Ed said.  

I wonder what he’s referring to.  When did we want to be movie stars?  For sure, it didn’t work out.

     I pass on to Ed that Alison had loved him ever since we went to Russia together.  Next day, he articulates:  “I can’t believe she’s loved me ever since 1993.  I’ve been a world traveler ever since.”  (Besides the year, he could tell you which airline we flew on, which gate, and many more details.)

      “I love this time of year, Mom – with the holidays right around the corner.”  (Anyone else could say that and it wouldn’t seem so grand but when Eddy refused to talk for four years, every idea he expresses thrills the heck outta me.)

      It sprinkles a bit then quits so Ed decides to go on a trike ride.  When I look out and see it is raining, I think, "Oh no! Ed hates the rain.  He doesn't like to get wet.  He's going to come storming home." But he didn't and soon the sun was back out.  As he got ready for bed, he gloated, "That moisture sure felt good today."

 “What do you want for Christmas this year?”  No answer so I start suggesting things.

“We’ve got to have Thanksgiving first,” he grins.  “Did you forget?”

Literature

Amy got Eddy reading Michael Crickton books.  Every time he comes in the kitchen, he picks up his Kindle and reads.

  He’s a very fast reader and reads a book in two or three days.  When he was in school, he tested close to 100% comprehension.

Amy was surprised he liked them.  She says they are pretty sophisticated books.  I have never even heard of him so I checked him out on the Internet.

John Michael Crichton, MD (October 23, 1942 – November 4, 2008) was an American best-selling author, physician, producer, director, and screenwriter, best known for his work in the science fiction, medical fiction, and thriller genres.. His books have sold over 200 million copies worldwide, and many have been adapted into films. In 1994 Crichton became the only creative artist ever to have works simultaneously charting at No. 1 in US television, film, and book sales (with ER, Jurassic Park, and Disclosure, respectively).

His literary works are usually based on the action genre and heavily feature technology. His novels epitomize the techno-thriller genre of literature, often exploring technology and failures of human interaction with it, especially resulting in catastrophes with biotechnology. Many of his future history novels have medical or scientific underpinnings, reflecting his medical training and science background. He was the author of, among others,  The Andromeda Strain, Jurassic Park, Congo, Travels, Sphere, Rising Sun, Disclosure, The Lost World, Airframe, Timeline, Prey, State of Fear, Next (the final book published before his death), Pirate Latitudes (published November 24, 2009), and a final unfinished techno-thriller, Micro, which was published in November 2011.

I know Ed read Timeline because I found it on the Kindle for him.

In 1999, Crichton published Timeline, a science fiction novel which tells the story of a team of historians and archaeologists studying a site in the Dordogne region of France, where the medieval towns of Castelgard and La Roque stood. They time travel back to 1357 to uncover some startling truths. The novel, which continues Crichton's long history of combining technical details and action in his books, addresses quantum physics and time travel directly and received a warm welcome from medieval scholars, who praised his depiction of the challenges in studying the Middle Ages.

He also read Sphere - The novel follows Norman Johnson as a psychologist who is engaged by the United States Navy to join a team of scientists assembled by the U.S. Government to examine an enormous spacecraft discovered on the bottom of the Pacific Ocean. The depth of coral covering the craft suggests that it has been lying there for over 300 years and so could only be of alien origin.

The novel begins as a science fiction story, but quickly transforms into a psychological thriller, ultimately exploring the nature of the human imagination.  

Who would have guessed?

My brother, Jerry, loaned me a book he said he had really enjoyed.  I enjoy it too but even though it is extremely interesting, I’ve been reading it for six months and I am barely half-way through.  I only read when I go to bed at night and it’s always too late.  This passage last night caught my attention:

Sacagawea informed him that the expedition’s camp was precisely on the spot where the Shoshones had been camped five years ago when a raiding party of Hidatsas discovered them.  The Shoshones had retreated three miles upriver and hidden in a wood.  But the Hidatsas had found and routed them, killing four men, four women, and a number of boys, and making prisoners of four boys and all the remaining women, including Sacagawea.

“I cannot discover that she shews any immotion of sorrow in recollecting this event,” Lewis concluded his journal entry relating Sacagawea’s story, “or of joy in being again restored to her native country; if she has enough to eat, and a few trinkets to wear I believe she would be perfectly content anywhere.”

“One wonders,” Stephen E. Ambrose, the author of the book Undaunted Courage, writes, “if Lewis was comparing Sacagawea with the young black female slaves he had known, or with white women of his own class.  One wonders too how the man who could be so observant about so many things, including the feelings and point of view of his men, could be so unobservant about Sacagawea’s situation.  A slave, one of only two in the party, she was also the only Indian, the only mother, the only woman, the only teen-aged person.  Small wonder she kept such a tight grip on her emotions.”  Pg 259-60.

I think even Stephen Ambrose missed the point.  I think the sole reason she was discounted was because she was a woman.  Tragic.

The False Illness

DeRay’s sister, Clare, was legitimately sick.

A harsh cough; congestion, misery.

When DeRay started to hack

After he and Ed spent a week with her,

I called it a False Cough.

It sounded like he was faking it to me.

Copycat.

Desiring to be like his beloved sister.

Nevertheless, the doctor treated him for pneumonia.

A week later, when I caught it,

I deemed it not so false.

Then Eddy caught the fake cough

and joined the chorus.

These false ailments are the very hardest to cure.

Irritating.  Exasperating.  Grating. Exhausting. Agonizing. Miserable.

For nearly a month now.