Amy Doesn't Mess Around - Part 3

     "Is anyone going to help me move the bed and chest?" Amy inquires before we've left our upstairs habitat. It was an hour before DeRay got down to help her move the sauna. But they got it done. I love the foam mats. I can hardly wait to do my exercises in the exercise room and have guests in the guest room. 

  

We'll see how long before it floods again.

DeRay has an idea to keep water out

but he can no longer do it himself.

THANKS AMY.

You did a great job.

Then she fixed dinner.

OK, I did up the dishes
and other chores as assigned
like grating the carrot
and finding the kale and Swiss chard 
in the freezer.

One less classmate. . .

    I know we're getting up there, but it still pierces my heart when one of my classmates dies.

1954
From my diary:

March 3, 1954: Today has been fun.  We held Student Council first period at which we discussed girls wearing jeans, smoking, drinking, and swearing.  No more jeans at Valley, sayeth the Student Council.  Didn’t have seminary today and we sluffed chorus.  Brave Senior Girls!!!  In English, Jerry (Glover) and I sat together and talked about Miss Crawford, basketball, Kanab, and what not.  Fun!

March 12, 1954: We got out of school all day today to decorate and we really had fun.  Everyone worked so good and hard together. It was wonderful. All the senior girls had on formals and boys suits, really looked nice. Danced with Jerry Glover four times. Dance was really rather fun.

Jerace "Jerry" Alma Glover passed away November 6, 2016. Jerry was born to parents Arthur and Martha Annie Wilson Glover on June 3, 1935 in Alton, Utah. Jerry was raised in the Salt Lake City area having attended West High, and although he liked his friends and the city life, his heart was in the country where he spent his summer months at Alton, Utah and Jacob Lake, Arizona. In 1952 he moved back to Alton and graduated from Valley High School in Orderville in 1954, where he excelled in basketball and was student body president. While at Valley, he met the love of his life Deanna Pearl Tait. They were sealed for time and all eternity in the St. George Temple on June 23, 1956.

Jerry spent many years delivering milk for Hulet Distributing. He then went to work for Glaziers Foodtown where he retired as grocery manager.

Jerry loved hunting and fishing and going to the horse races. His children and grand children were very special to him and he enjoyed following them in their school activities.

He is survived by his wife of sixty years Deanna Glover of Kanab; his children Kenley (Donna) and Don Ray (Sherie), 11 grand children and 10 great grand children. He was preceded in death by his son Kris Glover, his parents, sisters Ardele Pugh and Selva Boyter, and brothers James Arthur, Boyd Wilson and Weldon Varl Glover.

Funeral services will be held Friday, November 11, 2016 at 11:00 AM in the Kanab North Stake Center with a viewing from 9:45 - 10:45 am. There will also be a viewing on Thursday evening, November 10th, at the Stake Center from 6:00 - 7:00 PM. Burial will be in the Kanab Cemetery under the direction of Mosdell Mortuary.

Significant Problems

Mass exodus from Mormonism? LDS stats paint a different picture

By Peggy Fletcher Stack, The Salt Lake Tribune

First Published Nov 02 2016 10:09PM

(Excerpts from article.)

.  .Attorney Mark Naugle, a former Mormon in South Jordan, says he has personally submitted about 12,500 letters to the LDS Church in the past year from members asking to have their names removed from the faith's membership rolls. He has received requests from most states, Naugle says, as well as from Japan, New Zealand, Thailand, France, Germany, Great Britain and South Africa, to name a few.

     "And there are plenty more," he says, "who tell me my services are not necessary" — that they know how to excise their memberships without his help.

     The LDS Church acknowledges "periodic increases or decreases in [such] requests," explains spokesman Eric Hawkins, but "the number of people asking to have their names removed from the records of the church has been less than one-tenth of 1 percent (less than 1 in 1,000) for more than 20 consecutive years, including in 2015 and the first eight months of 2016."

     That means of the 15,634,199 members reported by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in April, fewer than 15,634 have or will resign this year.

     That figure pales in comparison to, say, the 257,402 converts who joined the church in 2015.

Hawkins says other "important statistics" demonstrate the continuing "activity [rate] of individual adult members, such as endowed members with a current temple recommend and full tithe payers."

     In all areas, he writes in an email, "the upward growth has continued [during that same period]." . . . . .

Comments:

John P. Hatch: I'll keep saying it: the quip that "they leave the church but they cannot leave it alone" is false. Those who resign, those who post at r/ex-Mormon, they are the least of the church's worries. It's those huge numbers of inactives, the people who just don't care anymore because they're bored to tears or don't see the church as relevant to their lives, that's what is really (or should be) troubling.

Rick Robison: Exactly! I've had two family members (one is my son that was in a bishopric two years ago) recently go inactive because the "policy" triggered him to do more research and they are nonbelievers now. No resignation (yet) though...

Maxine Hanks: Very interesting story Peggy, thanks. Losing 15,600 members per year who resign-- is still a huge number of people -- whose lives are drastically changed, deeply affected, with enormous far-reaching effects on other lives. An annual loss of 15,600 in any organization indicates significant problems in need of solving. And if they aren't solved, more will leave. Every member's life, contributions, sacrifices matter. If 15,600 people can't be themselves or authentic or contribute in real ways, or be safe, or nourished, or appreciated or needed or belong, but feel they have to leave, that's a clear failure. We can do far better and must do better than making 15,600 people feel they must leave. It's not about numbers or quantity....as Jesus demonstrated with the one. It's about Lives and quality.

Kristine Miller Anderson: 1 in 1000 is what I probably would have guessed, but for everyone I know who had their name removed there were 10 that stopped going. For every 10 who stopped going I know 25 holding on by their fingertips. For every 25 just holding on I probably know 100 whose relationship with the church is permanently altered. etc.

     Maxine Hanks touched on a subject that has long been on my mind. When the 1993 September Six were excommunicated, President Hinckley quipped something like, “What’s six compared to 9 million?” I lamented to Lavina that perhaps he had forgotten the parable of the Lost Sheep.

The Parable of the Lost Sheep

Luke 15:3-7 King James Version (KJV)

3 And he spake this parable unto them, saying,

4 What man of you, having an hundred sheep, if he lose one of them, doth not leave the ninety and nine in the wilderness, and go after that which is lost, until he find it?

5 And when he hath found it, he layeth it on his shoulders, rejoicing.

6 And when he cometh home, he calleth together his friends and neighbours, saying unto them, Rejoice with me; for I have found my sheep which was lost.

7 I say unto you, that likewise joy shall be in heaven over one sinner that repenteth, more than over ninety and nine just persons, which need no repentance.
            ( Although, in my mind, they were not sinners. For me, the parable emphasizes that each life is of great worth.)

             “Every member's life, contributions, sacrifices matter. If 15,600 people can't be themselves or authentic or contribute in real ways, or be safe, or nourished, or appreciated or needed or belong, but feel they have to leave, that's a clear failure.”

Personally, I’m not just thinking about LGBT and their families. I’m thinking about the disabled, special needs, the elderly, divorced, single, women; the judged, the poor; the sick and tired and their families – everyone on the fringes who doesn’t feel he/she belongs, let alone needed or appreciated; or valued in any way.

Maxine Hanks was excommunicated as one of the September Six in 1993 for her involvement in compiling and editing the book Women and Authority: Re-emerging Latter-day Saint Feminism. At the time she said how she was happy to be out and done with the church. She took a 20-year journey of faith where she became a chaplain in a Protestant church, and recently went through the long process of being re-admitted into the Mormon Church.  

The Vegas Condo - October 22-29

On our way down. . .

  Visiting with Shirley and Yula

at Bella Terra.

Yula recited Cowboy Poetry

while Shirley waited for lunch.

 We took Cove to catch the Temple.

And the wildfire.

 I didn’t take a single picture

of our week with DeRay’s siblings.

We did not go to any shows,

gamble, cruise the strip,

or even watch the airplanes.

We stayed in the same condo;

Went swimming in the same pool;

Watched up to four movies a day -

Movies everyone except me had seen numerous times;

Got the same haircuts from our resident beautician (Karen)

Fixed meals together.

Same as we did last year

and the year before

and years before that.

DeRay gets the condo;

Clare is the hostess because she lives in Vegas,

supplying all the extras.

Amy wonders why we travel over 1000 miles

to sit and watch movies

and do all the things we can do at home.

Because.

We’re with family.

We’re visiting.

We’re laughing.

We’re connecting.

We’re communicating.

We’re associating.

We’re catching up
on important things like:
All Clare's boys are tall - 6'5"-6'7½".
Jerry was always the tallest
until the youngest, Scott, grew up.
Now he is taller.
You wouldn't think that would bug him
but it does;
so Jerry bought an Inversion Table
to stretch himself out
and scales to measure height.
Ron went to see his son he hasn’t seen for over two years.

He visited with him for five hours;

got to hug him, encourage him.

We all felt the joy.
You can’t do that at home alone.

 Karen, Norm, and Ron left on Thursday.

Ed wanted to do the

High Roller again.

  

  

  This is NOT a paid political advertisement.

 Buffet at Silverton.

Lucky enough to catch the Mermaid.

 

 

  We enjoyed lunch with Amy Jayne

to celebrate her birthday.

Shirley is by a window now.

Her roommate moved out.

She says she doesn't really like to

be stuck in this place

but you just have to make the most of it -

to be content with what cannot be changed.

Families and Open Adoption October 13, 2016

There was a time when adoptions were a source of shame for a birth mother, and weren’t discussed in the adoptive family. But that slowly changed with birth control, a demographic shift in babies available for adoption, and the “adoption rights movement.” Today, 95% of infants in the U.S. are placed in “open adoptions” where the birth mother and the family have some sort of contact. Thursday, we’re talking about how adoption has changed over time, and what it means for children and families.

     Listening to Dr. Doug Frabrezio’s podcast on Open Adoptions, I unexpectedly realized a profound truth.  I listened to it because of my interest in adoption. What I got out of it was something entirely different.

At the beginning of the program, Doug revealed that he was adopted in the 60’s when adoptions were closed. You knew nothing. No medical records, no nothing. (Jeanne, adopted in the 60’s, was 5 months old before we found out she had a congenital hip deformity, which is hereditary. Usually they discover it at birth. If we had known she had a propensity for it and found it sooner, she would not have had to be in a brace for so long and wouldn’t have missed the critical creeping and crawling stages.  When I called the LDS Adoption Agency to ask them if they had record of it, they didn’t say. All they said was: “Do you want to return her?”  That blew my mind. Upset me to the core. Return her? Is that the way you talk about my baby? She is not damaged merchandize. She is our child. I told them I simply wondered if they had withheld helpful medical information.)

The first person Doug interviewed was Amy, a 40-year-old landscape architect who gave her baby up for adoption. It was an open adoption. She sees him to this day. They had no contracts as far as visitations rights, photos, contact; they trusted each other. She interviewed many couples before she chose this one and it has worked out well. Yet she grieves. She can’t touch him. She yearned to hold him.  She feels like it would be a betrayal to his parents if she told him what is in her heart. She thinks he might feel a loss too.  In her dream she touched him, tousled his hair. “The fantastic thing was touching him.”  When she awoke, she realized she would never ever ever be her son’s mother.  When she found out she was pregnant, she realized what she felt was the early seeds of a lifelong grief.  She felt she didn’t have a right to grieve or make others aware of her grief.  Her social worker told her that grief would eventually fade away. “It doesn’t. It changes. Now I’m missing a 16 year-old; next year I’ll be missing a 17-year-old.” They text and email and he asks her questions but they are noncommittal and simple.  She wrote the book God and Jetfire, Confessions of a Birth Mother by Amy Seek; in which she writes in beautiful prose how “In my dreams, I can touch you.”

Reviews: “My son,” she writes over and over. It is important that she is able to claim her rightful role, but her sadness and loss is tied up with ownership. Still, I have not read a more comprehensive book on the grieving that accompanies the adoption process. Seek’s eloquent if occasionally self-­indulgent prose makes this important memoir resonate. As she shows, adoption does not end when a child changes hands. It’s a sad, lovely and continuing conversation that she bravely documents.   New York Times Sunday’s Book Review (last paragraph) By JENNIFER GILMOREJULY 20, 2015

Written with literary poise and distinction, God and Jetfire is the story of a life divided between grief and gratitude, regret and joy. It is an elegy for a lost motherhood, a celebration of a family gained, and an apology to a beloved son.

Next Doug had an emeritus history professor who wrote a book 20 years ago on the history of adoption. He talked about how adoptions used to be secret and shameful; closed records. Unwed pregnant women were considered neurotic, psychosomatic, very sick; and it was best for the child to separate them from their mothers.  The mother was feeble minded for having a child out of wedlock and the child was carrying the feeble minded gene.  (I wonder where the fathers were. They were probably brilliant.)  After World War II, it was considered patriotic to have children and those who couldn’t, in desperation, adopted.

Then he introduced a couple from Salt Lake City who adopted a baby boy in an open adoption. Emily, who lives back east, is the birth mother; Tyson, the father, lives in SLC.  Curt and Jerry are the parents. Jerry is an adoptee himself.

“All four people love him and want the best for him.”

They were so full of love. They’ve had their trials. One lost a brother; then he came out to his very LDS parents. But the kindness and love oozed from both of them.

There is only one person who can carry the title “Mother” in our family. He has three fathers: Papa, Daddy, and Tyson but Emily is his only mother.

“All four of us love him so much.”

No matter how much we love him, Emily and Tyson love him too and they will always be his parents.  There cannot be too much love for a child. We love Oscar. He is our son. We love Emily because she is part of our family.

Emily wanted us there when he was born; she wanted us to be the first ones to hold Oscar.

Grief and joy at the same time.

Open adoption is not co-parenting.  His birth mother doesn’t make day-to-day decisions.

We don’t like to hear “giving up a child for adoption”. That’s a swear word in our house.  Giving up or give up connotes a sense of loss. We say a child is placed.

Curt and Jerry want the birth parents to be physical (hugs) with Oscar if they want to.

Emily’s experience is just as important as ours and Oscar’s. The best thing for all of us is for her to stay involved.

I feel so privileged to be his father.

The first part of this podcast was about grief and loss.

The second part was statistical and scholarly.

The third part was about love, joy, and acceptance.

The profound truth I learned today:

The reason God put gay people on earth was to show us how to love. Truly love. Not fake love. True unconditional enlightening edifying love.  Heartfelt and genuine. And I felt that so keenly today just listening to Curt and Jerry tell their story.

Re adoption, personally I have ambivalent feelings. We have been rejected and hurt by adopting. No, we weren’t perfect parents but we did the best we could. I have always maintained that I don’t blame our daughter because I don’t know what it feels like to be adopted. On the other hand, she doesn’t know what it feels like to be an adoptive parent.  We had hopes and dreams too.  We felt a keen sense of responsibility, love, and gratitude for her.  I remember driving up the hill toward home one dark stormy ominous night holding her in my arms and I thought: “How could anyone trust us with this precious baby? What if harm comes to her?” I don’t know how God trusts any of us with tiny, helpless babies. They are so beautiful and vulnerable.

Amy Doesn't Mess Around - Part 2

Now the hallway.

 She and her dad shopped most of the day on Monday,

coming home with waterproof vinyl stripes.

Thinner.

Costs more.

 She cleaned out the hallway and

mopped the floor in Clorox.

 DeRay cut

while she was on her hands and knees

placing and fitting.

 Gnocchi loves her new bed.

She only bought one

but they fought over it

so she bought one for each cat.

It's like Gnocchi has been a displaced cat

all his life.

Now he has a home.

 See Jeanette help by anchoring the panel while Amy connected the next one.

 Meanwhile, Gnocchi sleeps on.

 The Team measuring and cutting.

Then we watched our second Churchill movie - Amy, Gnocchi and I.

 Well, two of us watched.

Tonight Amy ordered enough Foam Mats to finish the last two rooms.

Stay tuned for Part 3.