KAYAK FEVER

  Grant, our generous friend,

loaned us two kayaks last summer.

  We kept them almost until the snow fell.

This summer when Brent and Jan came out from Missouri

  we wanted to borrow them again.

Foolishly, we waited until the morning

  we wanted to go to call him.

He’s always been home before.

  No answer.  In all morning.

We started

  investigating alternate plans

Now that we had our hearts set on kayaking.

  Searching the Internet

Amy and Brent found kayaks at Sam’s Club they liked.

  “Mom will pay for them,” their dad promises.

Then he comes upstairs where I’m on the computer

  and tells me that Amy will buy one and

Brent will buy one.

  Whoa.

Like we wouldn’t compare notes.

  Jokester.

Before they get gone,

  Grant returns our calls.

As suspected,

  he had been out golfing with Jeff Hollist.

“Sure, come and get them.

  In fact, you can have them.

I’m 79, I’ll probably never use them again.

  I’m going to sell my house and move into a condo.

For a loaf of bread,

  they are yours.”

Dad, Brent, and Amy hop in the van

  and run down to Grant’s.

Why are they gone so long?

  In two or three hours, they return with

Yes, Grant’s two kayaks

  and two new ones from Sam’s Club.

$200 each.

  Such a bargain.

“I’m sure they priced them wrong.”

  Four kayaks?

We didn’t even need one.

  Aren’t we down-sizing?

Guess who paid for them?

  Yes guess.

DeRay.

  “I had to. 

I was the only one with a credit card for Sam’s Club.”

 That very evening, Brent and Amy

  dash to the Bountiful Ponds.

It’s 10:30 before they get home.

  Oh, no, we’re not worried.

We’re not in a panic.

  We’re not passed out on the floor.*

The next day, they take Jonathan, Amanda, and Naomi

  And a big lunch to the ponds for all day.

The little girls didn’t want to go;

  then they didn’t want to come home.

They had a ball.

  Wednesday, Amy, the only one 

who seems to be able to pull it together,

   Packed another big lunch and we all went to Causey—

Premier Utah kayak spot.

  It was windy when Jan, Ed, Brent and I went out -

Four kayaks, remember?

   Then along with Naomi, we came home

And the rest of them will probably kayak into the sunset

  forever and ever.

Big deal.  They saw a rattlesnake.

What about this colossal monster crawling on me?

 The only one to not ride

  was DeRay

He had his fun

  paying for them! 

*I was lying on the floor

Because

  I got dizzy and fell off the vibrator

  The room suddenly twirled

  Down I went

Dead or Alive?

  “Honey?”

  I could hear him.

  I couldn’t respond.

He put a pillow under my head.

  Comforted me.

“I thought you would never get home,”

  I say to Amy,

  Still on the floor a half hour later.

She

  Got me water

    “Maybe she’s dehydrated.”

  An aspirin.

    “Maybe she had a little stroke.”

  Pedialyte

    “Maybe her electrolytes are off.”

  Prunes.  Ed’s fiber.

    “Maybe she has another bowel blockage.”

  Soothing tea.

    “Maybe it’s a panic attack.”

She ascertained early it wasn’t a stroke.

    “Smile.”

    “Lift your hands.”

    “Wiggle both your feet.”

    “Squeeze my hands.”

    “Do you know what day it is.”

  I never know what day it is.

  “I know its Monday but I don’t know the date.”

Since then, I’ve had several “attacks” a day

  that I can feel coming on

So I can lie down.

  Dizzily.

    Weavingly.

       Scarily.

I’ve got to call the doctor.

  Unfortunately.

“Let’s do you before I pass out,” I say to Ed a night or two later.

“We’re not going through that again,” he ascertains.