It’s
my fault. I was whining to Brooke one afternoon when he dropped by on his way
home from work, that I hadn’t done anything with my life. A wasted life. Some
people paint masterpieces; some people win noble prizes in literature; some
people are great leaders; community organizers; teachers, historians,
musicians, architects, engineers, lawyers, doctors. I have no genius.
“Why
don’t you volunteer?” he suggests. “There are lots of openings for people over
55. . .”
“Volunteer?
I can’t keep up with all I’ve got to do around here now. I’m 81-years-old and
still running a household of four; preparing three meals a day in perpetuity; doing all my
own housework, washing all the windows, polishing the furniture, vacuuming, laundry, cleaning toilets (my personal favorite). For 45 years I’ve spent mega time with Eddy On top of that I’m battling cancer in two
places . . ..”
“Well,
there you go.”
“.
. .painful shoulder from a fall on the ice two weeks ago—sometimes I’d say a
10, and then suddenly it doesn’t hurt at all; aching inflexible knees—2-4; high
cholesterol; constant roaring like a rapidly running river in my deaf ear night and day due to a tumor, sometimes I'm not conscious of it but it stills plays havoc with my nervous system; acid
reflux, osteoporosis”
“See
you Mom.”
He
was long gone before I even got to the cancer. I was talking to myself, as
usual.
I
didn’t mean I wasn’t busy. I meant I haven’t done anything meaningful in my
life. I have made no worthwhile contribution to the world to validate my space.
Unless
jest livin’ the best you can and being thankful for the privilege cuts it.
A combination of lyrics that keeps rolling around in my head.
Life Gets Tee-Jus, Don't it?
Walter Brennan
Grief and misery, pains and woes
Debts and taxes, yea, so it goes.
I think I'm gettin' a cold in my nose
Life gets tee-jus, don't it?
Ol' Man River
Oscar Hammerstein II
Rolling along, rolling along, rolling along
You and me, we sweat and strain
Body all aching and racked with pain
I get weary and sick of trying
I'm tired of living and afraid of dying
While old man river he just keeps rolling along.
How could I temporarily have forgotten the quote from George Eliot that has been my mantra for years:
2 comments:
You left out the fact that when you listed off all of those things you do every day and how you've taken care of Ed all these years and you keep the house rolling, I told you that was more than enough. Your care for your family and dealing with all of your health issues and dad's and Ed's and Brent's etc. is your legacy.
We all think we have to do something great to be remembered somehow, but greatness lies in love and you have an abundance of that. How many lives do you have to touch and how much sacrifice do you have to make for it to count? I think it all counts.
I guess I did leave out the best part. I should listen instead of talk.
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