My Own Practice

The headlines in an insert in the newspaper one recent morning read:

EXCLUSIVE:  Parents Overpower Peer Pressure

As I walk into the house studying the headlines, it struck me forcibly that all parents, without exception, were once teenagers.  Been there; done that.  Not so long ago either.  We sorta remember what it was like.  Even though times change, it gives us an inside track as to what teens are thinking and feeling.

Unlike old age.  Those who are dealing with nurturing and taking care of elderly people have never been old.  You get old and then you die, taking your wisdom (that is ignored) to the grave with you.  My 85-year-old sister wrote in an e-mail:

"I didn't dream the world would be as it is now in the closing days of my life."

I thought she meant the little world that she lives in now that she is more confined.  Good thing I called her to clarify.  I should have known, she’s always been political and fiercely patriotic.  She meant the outside world:  ISIS, Ebola, things like that.

These are the things she said:

“It’s been a challenge getting used to being old.”

“We were around a lot of old people but you didn’t ever hear anything about what they did all day long.”

So I asked her what she does all day.  (She said she doesn’t like people to ask her that question.)

“After last election I made up my mind I wasn’t going to listen to news.  It’s too depressing.”  (A staunch Republican, she could not bear that Mitt Romney lost.)  But then she decides she needs to pick up on what is going on out in the world so she’s watching TV again.  “It is surprising to me how much people changed.  They looked much older in just that short time.”  She reads:  “My eye sight isn’t quite as good as it used to be but I usually read after I go to bed.”

“I get a ‘down’ feeling from about 4 to 8 at night, then I kind of revive; have more energy.”

“I don’t want to travel because I don’t want to be out on the road and die.”

“Each year you just get a little frailer; don’t have as much energy.”

I asked her if she felt respected.  She’s garnered quite a few honors in her little town.

“Hearing loss isolates you,” she said.  “Most people in the Ward now wouldn’t know me.”

So even though I originally misunderstood the quote in her email, I’m still fulminating over the disregard in our society for the venerable elderly.  If not total disregard, then loss of respect, esteem, and understanding.  It’s obvious they haven’t been there or done that.

Gradually, we lose everything:  Our autonomy; our hearing, sight, speech, mobility.  Even without Alzheimer’s or dementia, we forget and can’t express ourselves.  We can feel people laughing at us and feeling sorry for us; condescendingly. We repeat ourselves.  We are slow. Everything hurts or doesn’t hurt.  It doesn’t matter.  We’re not going anywhere.  

Jan posted this on Facebook, no doubt thinking of her mother and father who are deceased.

For a while now, I’ve been thinking that we should be old before we are young;

Die before we are born;

Be grandparents before we are parents;

Parents before we are children.

Maybe F. Scott Fitzgerald was on to something when in 1922 he wrote the short story “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button,” which was made into a film in 2008 starring Brad Pitt and Cate Blachett.  It tells the story of Benjamin Button, a man who starts aging backwards, being born old and dying an infant.

I actually practice dying every day.  Yogis claim it should be a pleasant transition; a serene, glorious experience.  In Yoga, the pose is called Shavasana or Corpse Pose.

Shavasana is perhaps the most important part of yoga practice.

Lie on your back. Stretch your backbone on the floor, helping with your hands. Straighten your legs, your toes relaxed and pointing outward. Put your arms along your torso with your palms up, your shoulders pressed to the floor. Close your eyes and relax. Try to calm your breath and mind as much as you can.  You have no place to go; nothing to do.  Slow down.  Let go.

It is intended to rejuvenate body, mind, and spirit.

The physiological benefits of deep relaxation are numerous and include:

·        a decrease in heart rate and the rate of respiration,

·        a decrease in blood pressure,

·        a decrease in muscle tension,

·        a decrease in metabolic rate and the consumption of oxygen,

·        a reduction in general anxiety,

·        a reduction in the number and frequency of anxiety attacks,

·        an increase in energy levels and in general productivity,

·        an improvement in concentration and in memory,

·        an increase in focus,

·        a decrease in fatigue, coupled with deeper and sounder sleep, and

·        improved self-confidence.

My yoga instructors used to say:  “When you get your own practice . . .”

I scoffed.  I’ll never have my own practice.  I can only follow; do what I’m told.  I have no idea what to do on my own.

Now each morning as I do my own geriatric yoga routine, I smile.  I have my own practice; ultimately relaxing in Corpse Pose to practice dying, hopefully to be where everyone exists in a supreme superlative state.