Diddle-Diddle Dumpling

Diddle-diddle dumpling, our sweet grandkids all

Neglect saying "thank you" for gifts both large & small.                          

No letter, no e-mail; not even a quick call.

Diddle-diddle dumpling, our sweet grandkids all.

Last year, in a sage grandmotherly rage, I laid the law down.

“To parents and children:

If you don’t write a thank you note—

Emails, Skype, phone calls acceptable—

NO MORE GIFTS.”

It took a little coaxing and prodding but most of them complied.

For all the good it did.

Not one thank you this Christmas or birthday season.  Not one.

I was so excited about the lanterns our Home Teacher told us about.

They are for camping, emergency preparedness, cars –

They can be solar powered and charge your cell phone.

We bought four - $50/each.

Not one word of praise for them,

much to my disappointment.

We’re not as rich as we used to be.

Pensions don’t increase anything like the cost of living.

We’re getting a little nervous.

Nonetheless, that’s not the point.

My mother taught us to write “thank you” notes.

I expect it.

Am I old-fashioned?

Am I wrong to let it gnaw away at me?

Keep me awake at night?

Amidst my stewing,

I read the following in the newspaper:

(While the problem is different;

I felt the response was directed straight to me.

God moves in mysterious ways.)

Dear Carolyn • We’re married 30 years and have raised two boys to adulthood in a supportive environment complete with a stay-at-home mom, involved parents and fully paid college.

My wife and I are crushed by the boys’ lack of appreciation for their mother’s birthday and Mother’s Day, until I asked them to call her. (I received a card and gift for my birthday and Father’s Day last year from one son.)

We spoke separately with each boy afterward, with one sincerely atoning, and sheepishly stating that the disparate treatment of me versus my wife was unintentional. The other boy refused to acknowledge the importance of my wife’s (or any other’s) important occasions on any level.

I usually nudged the boys during their adolescence to remember such occasions, but wonder how long to continue nudging. I wonder in general what, if anything, to do about a married 27-year-old son’s and 24-year-old son’s behavior toward their mom who gave so much of herself for their futures.  Involved Parents

Dear Involved Parents •

They’re adults. You say your piece and then drop it.

If your boys treat the two of you warmly and make efforts to stay in touch otherwise, by young-adult standards at least, then I hope you and your wife take that as ample thanks for a job well done. Truly. While I believe a good way to show people you care is to express affection in a way they appreciate, I also believe a good way to show people you care is to accept their affection however they choose to give it.

And, speaking only for me, I’d rather have children who were well-adjusted, independent, productive members of society to my credit than a bouquet. (Assuming I had to choose only one, which we all must do sometimes.)----Carolyn Hax’s column runs Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, Salt Lake Trib. 

YES!

They are well-adjusted, independent, productive members of society.

Isn’t that enough?

BONG!

Still I yearn for a teeny, tiny thank you note;

and for the Emily Post manners of yesteryear.

Grandmothers are funny that way.

You’ll see.

From the Emily Post Foundation:
The Importance of the Handwritten Thank-you Note
As our world becomes increasingly digitalized and mobile, people seek faster, even immediate, forms of communication. The times have certainly changed and now it is easier than ever to get in touch; all it takes is a quick email or text message.
Here at Emily Post, we believe that there is still a place for handwritten notes in our fast-paced society - especially for something as important and personal as the thank-you note. In a recent edition of The Costco Connection, Daniel Post Senning explores the question of whether it is OK to thank people by email
"When I get a handwritten letter, I'm excited to open it. The art of the postage stamp, the feel of the paper, the graphic quirks of a friend's handwriting: There is simply nothing as personal as a handwritten note. In a stack of bills and flyers, it's a treasure in a sealed packet, full of promise and potential. It is a visceral reminder of someone far away.
Good manners are about more than fulfilling bare-minimum social obligations. They are an opportunity for us to connect to the people in our lives in a meaningful way. In an increasingly informal digital world, continuing to pull out pen and paper is a way to distinguish yourself. The handwritten thank-you note speaks volumes simply as a medium and sends the message that you care enough to invest yourself personally in acknowledging another.
Being part of a society means knowing how to be appropriate to a situation. Handwritten notes still have a personality, warmth and, when needed, gravitas that computer screens don't. And questions of appropriateness aside, people still enjoy opening them. More than anything, that tells me they have lasting value. So, send a little joy someone's way!"