The Behinder I Get

“I always feel behind since I’ve been watching TV for an hour or two each night with DeRay.”

“Behind on what?  What do you have to do?” both my daughter and my sister queried simultaneously.

“Oh, you know the housework.”  Truthfully, I really couldn’t think of anything significant that I need to do and that I feel behind on. 

They snickered.

It was then I realized that I don’t do anything important.   That really pierced me.  Not that they said it, but that it is true. 
    What could I say to these two career women?  They are making a contribution to the world.  Even though I thought all the next day, I could think of nothing noteworthy that I do or have done.  Nothing.

1.  Hang on!  I’m pretty much in charge of the garbage; both getting it out to the can and the can on the street each week.

2.  When you absolutely cannot find anything in the freezers and the frost is as thick as the Arctic, I defrost and organize them.

3.  When slimy stuff from rotten cucumbers, peppers, cabbage, peaches, and apples accumulates in the fridge drawers, I wash them in sudsy water.

4.  I’m the only one who notices when the toilet paper or paper towels need to be replaced or there is no soap in the dispensers?

5.  Yes, I’m primary cleaning lady in a 3-story house.  Amy does the basement, of course, but that leaves me two floors to vacuum, duh, duh, duh.  Ed cleans his own room but neither ever vacuums the stairs.  I clean the other three bathrooms.  Oh yes, toilets are my absolute favorite.  Three stories of windows to wash and furniture and cabinets to polish.

6.  I let the cats in and out all day long, and when Amy’s gone, I have to gather them in for the night.  When I was growing up, the last things we did before going to bed were to put the cats out and turn out the lights.  (We didn't lock our doors.)  Our cats didn’t get tuna either.

7.  I do laundry for three and hang the clothes on the line, weather permitting.

8.  DeRay plants, weeds and this year has mainly harvested the garden.  Our garden with the new watering system he has spent two years designing and installing, was so prolific this year I was glad when I fell down and smashed all the zucchini plants trying to get up.  DeRay thought a herd of cows trampled his precious plants.  He does all the grocery shopping.  That would push me over the edge.  DeRay does a lot:  He takes care of the car when I smash the side mirror on the garage door; picks up my pills; sprays dandelions; pays the bills; takes care of all the business.  He’s spent a lot of time lately getting Amy’s condo ready to sell.  I don’t think I could manage without him.  He’s bottled tomato juice alone, zucchini and made several batches of Mama’s relish.

9.  Together we have bottled like 60 quarts of Chunky Ketchup, 9 quarts of plums, a dozen pints of peach/pineapple marmalade,  four cases of peaches.  We’ve frozen beans, peaches, corn, peppers, Swiss chard, kale, broccoli; and who knows whatall.

10.             Ed unloads the dishwasher and gets the garbage can in, even though they are not his forte’, as he points out each and every time.

11.             Speaking of Ed, I try to spend each morning with him so his days aren’t so long and boring.  We ride trikes, swim, play games.  It’s a tough job but someone has to do it.  Probably, I enjoy it more than he does but it takes time.

12.             Pretty much the running of the household falls on me.  I do all the planning and cooking for four. Once in a while on weekends, if she gets hungry enough, Amy cooks.  Yes, of course, I appreciate it immensely but who cleans up and does the dishes?  When she made RR’s 1/2-hour recipe for Shepherd’s Pie on Sunday, she complained it took her 3 hours.  I swear it took me 6 hours to clean up the mess.

13.             I’m president this year of a Fine Arts Club.  I can’t seem to get it right, leaving me irritated and cross.  These are some of the grand dames of Kaysville, having lived here forever. Most of their husbands have been mission presidents, bishops, doctors, lawyers making them very important indeed.  And they are friends.  I’ll probably be impeached.

14.             I like to go to Charmaine’s writing group but it’s nice if you’ve taken the time to write something.  I could go listen to clever women read what they have written but when DeRay is gone or needs the car for any little thing, for the past year or so, I’ve had no car.  Brooke has returned the van now but I hate to leave Ed alone too long, especially during the hours I have committed to him.

15.             A couple of years ago, I was invited to join DUP by my Mahātmā (great soul) friend in the ward.  Whenever I return from meetings, Ed asks, “Did you have a good time, you gad-about?”  I may have made a mistake when I decided I needed some outside exposure.  I don’t seem to be wired for social life.

16.             I’ve been reading the same book for over six months.  For the first time in my life, I fall into bed without reading.  It’s just too much effort to raise and lower the bed with the remote control and to find my glasses.

17.             I could have told them I was behind on my journal but they don’t believe in journal keeping; and to be honest, they are right.  What’s the purpose?  I don’t know why I feel compelled to do it.

18.             My doctor adds to my burdens and feelings of failure.  She wanted me to lose a bunch of pounds; instead I gained a whole bunch of pounds.

In a couple of weeks, I’ll be 78 years old with the inherent infirmities of old age.  You know, having to find glasses before you can read the simplest instructions and fretting unnecessarily over minor things.  At my stage in life, I should have nothing to do; yet every night when I go to bed, I have things on my list that didn’t get done that day that I planned to do.  There are simply not enough hours in the day.

What do I have to get behind on? 

When you do nothing, you can’t get behind. 

No way.