MEDITATION THOUGHTS

DeRay

I forgive you

(for nonchalantly watching TV during my crisis -

you do so much for me daily)

Amy

I forgive you

(for not picking up clothes or dishes -

you enrich my life in profound ways)

Eddy

I love you,

Will you forgive me?

R-RATED – Parts may be too graphic for younger audiences.

After going to Dr. Babcock
And loading up on nutritious pills,
DeRay wanted to stop at Farmer’s Market.
I didn’t feel like going in.
I had mild stomach cramps and was generally tired.
All the way home I felt like I might burst.
There was the most gorgeous sunset.
I grabbed my camera and walked to the street
To get a picture but it was too late
and we are too low.
It was amazing as we drove down the street.
So I finally sat on the toilet
and was shocked to the core
when there were clots and blood on the toilet paper;
blood literally filling the toilet bowl.
What had swished out was straight bright red blood.
It scared the living daylight out of me.
I’m bleeding to death.
I’m dying.
My beloved husband of 54 years was engrossed in a movie
And was not alarmed in anyway.
I had already asked him to feed Ed
but he ignored me
so I went ahead and fed him
and did his eye and lips for mutual.
Then I went to bed.
I still had hopes of cleaning the bathrooms and basement
but I soon realized I was too weak.
DeRay left without checking on me.
I sincerely thought I was going to die.
I mentally was making out my last will and testament.
I regretted that I didn’t have Mama’s history
ready for Lynn to add the photos.
You'd think I'd be worrying about
Ed and DeRay and Amy
and who would clean the toilets?
NO, I fretted about Mama’s history.
I was beginning to think my dream
of a few days ago was going to come true.

The one where I woke up in heaven

with Mama and Daddy

hovering over me

And I realized (with satisfaction) that I was an only child –
The first in my family to die.
I slept for awhile.
Amy came home and came up.
She brought me a glass of water
and visiting with me
while she ate tomato soup.
She said tomato soup and orange juice cure everything.
“Well, if you’re not going to visit with me,
I’m going to bed.”
“You can talk.  I’ll listen.
I just don’t feel like talking.”
Around 10:30, not being able to sleep longer,
I got up and went into the computer room.
I don’t want to linger.
I want to be healthy or die.
I don’t want to die an inch at a time.
What would cause all that blood?
My stomach is very tender and rumbly.
Maybe I’ll live until morning and maybe I won’t.
Talking to Sylvia, my 90-year-old friend,
The next day, I told her that
I was so surprised when I woke up and I was still alive.
"That's the first time I've laughed all day," she responded.
Dr. Babcock, the fake doctor, refused to take any blame;
Saying to call my primary care doctor.
Late in the afternoon,
Dr. Flanders, the surgeon I like because he didn’t surge
When I had a bowel blockage,
Called back.
He said I should have another colonoscopy.
“You said when I had the last one,
at my age I would never have to have another one.”
“How old are you?”
“74.”
“You don’t sound that old.
I spoke wrong.
I didn’t know you had polyps.
There are some serious issues here
And we can’t discount them.”
He prescribed some steroids to
Tide me over until he gets back
From vacation after next week.
“If it happens again
or if you feel weak or dizzy,
get to Emergency immediately.”
I was starting to feel good until I talked to him,
Then I started feeling awful again.
But I conquered it.
I’m alive!

May we all wake up in the morning
grateful for every little thing;
thankful for one more day
to prepare to meet God.

Sunset in Fruit Heights 1/20/11 Too late and too low to capture the grandeur.

HE CALLS 'UM AS HE SEES 'UM

Gnocchi, the cat, is perched high

on the clothesline pole

scanning the tall pine tree.

“Hey, Mr. Gnocchi,” Ed calls,

“You good bird-terrorizer you.”

DO I LABEL THIS ONE FITNESS OR OLD AGE?

This is the first winter

In my winters of recollection

That I haven’t bundled up

And walked or hiked for an hour each

Day in the great out-of-doors.

“Do you want to go for a little walk

before it gets dark?” Amy calls,

when she returns home from work.

The sun actually was shining;

The air pollution vanished.

“We have to walk uphill to get warm,”

she suggested.

Pant.  Wheeze.  Puff.

“I’m out of breath.

I can’t believe how out of shape I am.”

“You better get in shape before

we go to Bryce,” she warns.

YES, MA’AM! 

Bryce Canyon Winter Festival.

Snowshoeing, cross-country skiing,

Hiking, swimming.

I won’t want to lag behind.

Amy @ Bryce Canyon Winter Festival 2010

Snowshoeing with the ranger

THE PROBLEM SOLVER

“I solved it.”

That’s all he said.

It seems that before going to bed

he plugged in the nightlight

that I unplugged when I vacuumed today.

We can never again

Accuse him of

Not being a problem-solver!

THE ULTIMATE CLOTH

I brag the Ultimate Cloth

transformed my life.

We gave one to everyone

in the neighborhood for Christmas;

aunts, brothers, sisters, children, friends.

With the following note:

They are too good to be true.

There’s got to be a catch.

I’ve never had so much fun cleaning.

I wipe off pictures with glass over them

that I have dusted but never figured out

exactly how to clean without taking a chance

on water damage;

clean shower doors that have never been cleaned;

mirrors, windows, TV and computer screens, light switches—.

Everything sparkles

  Oh, and it does a marvelous job on the floors.

 They haven’t been so shinny since they were new.

I want to share them with everyone.

It doesn’t take much to be converted.

I am thrilled.

Also, the ebony Baby Grand Piano

that has always been an enigma.

Once a year I put lemon oil on it to clean it

but it’s not supposed to have oil;

it doesn’t soak in.

It has never looked so grand.

Eyeglasses, fans, antique lamp, glass table top;

popcorn popper; countertops, shower  walls, sinks, tub;

chrome will glisten.

 There is no end.

Lights!

The cloth that changed my life!

We also bought the Ultimate Mop.

With the January rain and thaw

Gnocchi tracks mud into the house

Each and every time he wanders in.

“Come on in, Gnocchi,” I say gleefully,

“track up my floor so I can use my new mop.”

CLOSE

A friend told me another friend’s husband had died.

She read it in the newspaper;

Even cut it out.

But she threw it away because she thought I would know.

I was devastated. 

Not so much for the one who died;

But for my friend who would miss him so much.

He also would be suffering with the separation.

When we got home, still heavy at heart,

I tried to find something on the Internet.

Nothing in the obituaries;

I held out hope.

But she had cut it out. . .

Early this morning my husband told me

We had a call from my friend.

“She said that at midnight she got it straightened out.

It was his 90^th Birthday announcement; not his obituary

That she cut out.”

Oh!  Thank heavens!

I couldn’t quite believe it.

I was so elated to hear it wasn’t so!

I would much rather go to his 90^th Birthday Celebration

Than his funeral!

HAPPY 90th BIRTHDAY, FRIEND!!!