DÉJÀ VU

 

Sometimes I am totally irrational;

A traumatic childhood experience

Still vivid in my conscious memory

Probably tucked deep in my psyche

To torment me 64 years later.

Mama, Daddy, two of my brothers and one little sister

Out to the herd to tend the sheep;

Lambing season you know.

Daddy was not one to shirk responsibility

Even through he had been weak and sick;

Possibly pneumonia; maybe allergic to the sulfa

Doctor Fen had prescribed.

Ten years old, I though I was getting grown up.

I even practiced the pose I would strike

So Daddy would notice when he came home.

He never came home.

My 14-year old brother drove the pickup in

On that Sunday afternoon to get help

When Daddy didn’t come back to camp

After his morning shepherding.

My uncle and cousin went out.

Hundreds of neighbors and friends

Searched for him

Before he was found dead on Tuesday

At the bottom of a cliff where he had slipped.

Mama’s big extended family rallied around her.

She had eight children

Ranging in age from barely 1 to barely 18.

My husband was late returning home

From a business trip last night.

Only one-half hour.

My irrational fears besieged me.

I trembled.

DÉJÀ VU

I knew he wouldn’t come.

He did.

Why can’t I get over it?

3:49 AM